So much has happened in the last few weeks and months. I'm not even really sure if I'll be able to update much about it in one post. But that's okay. That's the great thing about blogging. I can start and stop and make each post the way I want.
There's a post on this blog called "Testimony: Take 2" (yes, before writing any post...I try to look back on some of my previous posts to avoid re-telling the same information over and over again). Over the last few weeks, I've still had this notion in my mind to share my story. I just never really figured out where to share my story...or with who. And...although my last attempt at writing my testimony finally took it down to something more manageable than the 54 pages started as...there was still quite a bit of detail to talk about.
As I've been hanging out more and more with my Fishball friends, I've been wanting to open myself up more to them. I guess it's been coming from my time this summer I was able to have with going back to the young adult Bible study again. I was actually surprised many times during that Bible study of how many people shared insights and thoughts and help over the summer that made me realize...that a lot of my struggles that I've had...are not original...and many of the people that I've been hanging out with over the last few weeks and months are actually in similar situations or have been in similar situations. And so, I've been looking more into my personal story, particularly at my past relationships. And looking at how past hurts and mistakes have formed me into the person that I am today. Originally, I was thinking of going HUGE and sharing a portion of my story with our entire church. But...upon further investigation into my own heart...it was really my friends from the Bible study and Fishball that I wanted to share this story with. Unfortunately, about the time I wanted to start sharing this story, my Zumba class moved back to Tuesday and Thursday nights...abruptly haulting that thought. But...I continued to work on writing out the details of how much my friendships and relationships have changed just in the last few months and weeks...and kept praying that God would somehow open up the time I needed and the people for me to share my story with...and give me the words to say.
In the midst of all of this, though...God was beginning to plant the seeds of a new friendship for me.
One of the first times I went back to the Bible study this summer, there was a girl there (who will go unnamed). I remember hearing her introduce herself that first night as being a traveling medical professional (how she ended up in NW Ohio...I don't really know). I remember just being struck with realizing that she was rather new to the area...and jumped in with both feet to our church and Bible study. Seriously...when I moved to NC...I SLOWLY waded into my church...and it took a few months before I started doing anything else besides just attending church there. But...I remember meeting her...and then that was about it for another month or so...until I started playing Fishball.
I don't really even remember how all of this ended up happening. Somehow, though, after a few weeks, I managed to find out that this girl had a huge passion for dance...just like me! Then again...there's a lot of other friends I know from my church who have also danced. It wasn't until a few weeks ago when I was walking through the lobby at church after church, that she turned to me...and said that a group of people were going out for lunch and asked if I wanted to join. I had ridden to church that morning with my mom...so I had to find a ride to go out to lunch...and ended up riding with her. In the like 10 minutes or less that we were in the car from the church to the restaurant, we managed to talk about Zumba, dance, and have an in-depth conversation about modern dance and the use of African drumming to dance to. By the time we got to the restaurant, I remember just thinking to myself...like it was almost like we were speaking a "language" of dance...and somehow knew exactly what the other was talking about. Even during lunch, though, we got talking about sharing testimonies, and struggling to keep our testimony to a time limit (like 5 minutes or less...). I just remember thinking about how cool that it was that it seemed like this girl "got" me. Like she understood.
Over the next few weeks...I kinda took that feeling for granted. I continued to play Fishball with her...and spending my Sunday nights watching zombie shows with a group of peeps from church including her. I knew that she was a traveling medical professional...and would be eventually moving to another state. I started talking to her a bit about her move...because I had friends and relatives that lived in the same state she'd be moving to. It wasn't until her very last week in our area that something amazing...something profound...and something so beautiful started to happen.
Last weekend, our group of friends threw her a surprise going-away party. At this point, I didn't really know how I felt about that. I knew that I had felt like there was a special spiritual connection between us...but at the same time, I hadn't really gotten to know her that much. We gave her a couple gifts from the group...but no one really got her a card (well, one person did...but it wasn't from the group). So...the following day (since I still had another week before she left) while out shopping with my mom, I decided that I'd pick up a card and write her a nice little note in the card. Mom offered to maybe consider putting something small in the card (like a gift card). But...I wanted to do something different. As a dancer, I often try to find songs that inspire me to dance. Over the last several weeks, it seemed there were a LOT of songs mentioned, shared, and discussed via Facebook. Using my Itunes account...I found 20 songs that either inspired me to dance...or was a song someone had talked about from our group...and burned them to a CD (actually...only 19 of the 20 songs ended up on the CD...my playlist was 2 1/2 minutes too long for my CD). I actually felt really silly...because others had gotten her like pictures and other things...and here I was...giving her a mix CD.
I planned to give her the card with the CD in it the next day (Sunday) either at Fishball or after our zombie party. While at church that morning, though, I felt God nudging my heart and telling me to share my story with her. I had had it typed up and ready to go on my computer. For a second, I was pretty scared...because I didn't know this girl very well. But...I decided it was worth the risk (granted, if by some chance things got extremely awkward after I shared my story with her...she would be gone in another week and no one would need to know anything). So...after getting back from church that afternoon, I sent her a Facebook message explaining that God had laid it on my heart to share my story with her...and I attached it into the message on Facebook. I wasn't really prepared to have her read my story and tell me that it was incredible. Not really the adjective I was thinking anyone was going to use to describe my story. With that task seeming to have gone over pretty easily...I just had to worry about giving her the card and CD next.
When I got to Fishball last Sunday, I anxiously waited for her to get there...to be able to judge the awkwardness-meter. She got there...came over...and gave me a hug. Again...not really what I was expecting. Later that evening, after finishing the season finale of "Fear the Walking Dead" (a.k.a. - ZOMBIES!), as it seemed like most people were getting ready to head out...I walked over and handed her my card. Before even opening it...she pulled me aside and asked to talk to me for a bit. Not gonna lie..I was a little scared. Mostly because several years earlier, during my senior year of college, one of my friends sent me a text and asked if we could talk a few days before one of the holiday breaks. I met her at a location with another friend of ours present (to mediate the conversation)...and for the next 3 hours, we cried, we screamed, and we yelled. Our relationship was falling apart. And the meeting ended with her walking out crying and me feeling like an idiot. I tend to get a little anxious when anyone asks to talk to me personally in a private location.
As soon as we got away from the other people...we sat down...and she asked to pray with me. After we prayed, we talked. About my story. About our friends. About how "incredible" and courageous it was for me to share that story. As I drove home that night...all I could think was how perfect that encounter was. How much grace and love she extended to me. A person she barely knew! It was perfect...getting to share my story with her, and how she responded to it. When I got home...I had a text waiting for me from her...thanking me for the CD. According to her...it was perfect. Who knew that the sweetest gifts don't always have to cost a lot of money?
A few days later, still thinking about that encounter on Sunday night, I made a decision to cancel my Zumba class on Thursday night so I could see her at least one more time at the young adult Bible study. And...using the experience from Sunday as my inspiration, I decided to take another bigger step of faith...and asked to share that same story at the Bible study. I worked for the rest of the week on adding, subtracting, changing, and editing my story...and kept rehearsing what to say for this testimony.
This is where the hard part of this story comes.
As I've been trying to process the events of the last week...there's just so much. And so many WHY?s.
Why did we only become so close in this last week?
Why did she actually have to leave?
Why did she think my story was incredible (not gonna lie...it didn't feel that incredible as I was going through it)?
Why is it so incredible that I shared my story?
Why was I so blessed to meet this sweet friend...even if for such a short amount of time?
Why did it seem like we had a closer connection...even in such a short amount of time?
Why hadn't I tried harder earlier while she was here to spend more time with her?
A couple days ago...I think I found a possible reason. Someone posted a quote on Facebook that said "Friendship is measured in moments shared...not in time shared". It's the MOMENTS that I shared with her...that I'll be carrying around with me for a very long time.
As I tried to process these events, I figured something out, though. This sweet girl is on a mission. And...knowing the title of my entire blog...and thinking of my endeavors of getting into the missions field...that's something I'm drawn to. Every 12-13 weeks, she travels to a new city, a new state, a new mission field. Although her mission is in the US and is based on being a traveling medical professional...I can still relate.
Let me put it this way. Five years ago, 9 members from our church (including me) spent 5 amazing days in Thailand with the kids we provide the care for in a couple orphanages. I'm going to take the guess...that the impact we made on those kids in 5 days...is about the same impact that this sweet sweet girl made on all of us Fishball people in 12 weeks. We provided physical help to the kids in Thailand (cups, towels, and shoes)...she provided physical friendship. We took the kids out on exciting adventures (like out to ice cream). We got to experience exciting adventures with her as well. We shared the love of Jesus to a bunch of children in Thailand...language barrier and all...but the language of God's love was the same. She shared the love of Jesus with a bunch of NW Ohioans through her personality, passions, and presence. The language of God's love was the same. We heard many stories of the trials and struggles some of our kids in the orphanages in Thailand. She heard my story of my trials and struggles.
It's a mission. I'm not losing a friend who is moving away. I've been blessed to join a sweet friend in praying for her as she continues to follow the path God has her on. I've been blessed to be maybe one of her first "partners" in her mission. And I've been blessed to learn an important lesson. Regardless on if God ever opens up the doors for me to teach English overseas...where ever I am is a mission field. My church is a mission field. My teaching job is a mission field. You don't always have to go someplace to have a mission. You simply have to be open to allow God to use you in mighty ways...could be as short as 5 days...12 weeks...or maybe even several years.
I'll probably have more thoughts on this in the coming weeks. But there's one last thing I want to leave with. The title of this post is "For Good" which I'm taking from the song of the same title from the musical "Wicked". The lyrics are listed below:
I've heard it said
That people come into our lives for a reason
Bringing something we must learn
And we are led
To those who help us most, to grow
If we let them
And we help them in return
Well, I don't know if I believe that's true
But I know I'm who I am today
Because I knew you...
Like a comet pulled from orbit
As it passes the sun
Like a stream that meets a boulder
Halfway through the wood
Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
But because I knew you
I have been changed for good
It well may be
That we will never meet again
In this lifetime
So let me say before we part
So much of me
Is made of what I learned from you
You'll be with me
Like a handprint on my heart
And now whatever way our stories end
I know you have re-written mine
By being my friend...
Like a ship blown from its mooring
By a wind off the sea
Like a seed dropped by a skybird
In a distant wood
Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
But because I knew you
I have been changed for good
I think this song perfectly sums up the way I feel about my sweet friend. Because I knew her...although it may have been a brief time...I know that I've been changed for good and for the better. And I'm so insanely glad that God brought her into my life. And I'll always hold the moments that we've shared "like a handprint on my heart".
