Romans 8:28-30 (NASB)
And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose. For those whom He foreknew, He also predestined to become conformed to the image of His Son, so that He would be the firstborn among many brethren; and these whom He predestined, He also called; and these whom He called, He also justified; and these whom He justified, He also glorified.
This was a passage of scripture that my pastor spoke on yesterday at church. We've been in a series about how God uses our regrets and how our Hindsight is 2020. But something in our notes yesterday also stood out to me. My pastor noted that God uses ALL things - past, present, and future...for His good.
I have been mostly awful about updating this blog. And really, I don't plan on doing a large update per se of the day to day aspects of life. Not in this post at least.
But there's been something on my heart that I feel needs to be written out.
As 2019 ended and 2020 began, there was a bit of excitement for me. You see, come May of 2020, I will be graduating with my masters degree in TESOL (teaching English as a second language). I started this blog back in 2013 as a way to keep many people informed of some events of my life. Specifically, back in 2010, exactly 10 years ago, I felt God calling me to pursue international missions. Now, in 2020...10 years later, the first step of that calling will be complete.
Lately on social media, there has been a trend called the Decade Challenge. This is when a person takes a picture of them from recently and one from ten years ago to show the changes. Ten years ago, I had a flip phone, and absolutely no ability to take a "selfie" (without severely decapitating one or more persons in the photo).
But, my "Decade Challenge" takes on a different form.
For anyone who has not read any of this blog before, let me spend this post recapping this ten year journey for you!
It all started back in 2010. I was a college student, working on my bachelors degree in education with plans to be a teacher in the US. Shortly after beginning my studies, my church began providing the financial funds for two orphanages in northern Thailand. At some point in late 2009, I remember hearing or reading some information about our Thai orphans and about how much they loved to learn! I made a mental comment to myself that I hoped one day that I could teach "those" kids. In early 2010, our church made and announcement that they would be taking a group of people from the church to visit the orphanages. After a semi-nerve-wracking waiting period, I was informed that I would be able to go! In June of 2010, I went on a 5 day trip to Chiang Mai, Thailand. (For more details about that...follow this link to another post I wrote about just that trip: http://bethanysmissions.blogspot.com/2013/06/plan-b-may-now-be-plan-a.html)
Shortly before going on the trip, I was having some issues with being excessively emotional. So, I went on a medication with the hopes of regulating those emotions. Within a few weeks of coming back from this amazing trip, I started becoming even more emotional. Unfortunately, I was struggling with a large bout of depression, caused by that medication. For several months, I struggled to keep my thoughts on right things. But, I generally could snap out of this emotional and depressive funk by thinking about our kiddos that I got to meet in Thailand. During this time, I had several people mention to me about how crazy the personal change was when I was thinking about our kiddos in Thailand and when I was moping in my depressive mind.
It was actually during this time that I started wondering if I should consider looking into a career shift. I began feeling (even through this depression) that God was calling me to pursue international missions. In September of 2010, I called my mom and told her I thought God was calling me to become a missionary. Her response was rather encouraging. I actually have an email saved where we later discussed this in more detail. Here is an excerpt from that email:
"Huh...I told [my sister], "I bet after Bethany goes to Thailand, she's gonna come home and say she wants to be a missionary." Keep looking into it, and get tight with God...He'll help you know what he wants you to do."
{EDIT: I also have an email saved from my mom from January 2010, where she was already looking into TESOL options for me. There's a possibility that this decade challenge goes deeper than I even remember. Unfortunately, I don't have many of the email conversations saved to show that.}
In October 2010, I hit rock bottom. And by "rock bottom" I mean I hit an all time low. A low that would affect me and my relationships for many years to come. (I cover part of this event in another post where I share my personal testimony. Follow the link to read that post: http://bethanysmissions.blogspot.com/2015/06/testimony-take-2.html)
At this point, I pretty much thought my chances of being a missionary were done. I had managed to do life so badly, that God couldn't use me anymore. I lost many friends during this time. I also lost my personal identity...many times. I tried to plan my own international trip for the summer of 2011, but even I wasn't convinced that my mental state was at its best.
I graduated from college in December 2011, still feeling like I had somehow let God down. With not many more options available, I took my first teaching job in January 2012. I worked that job for the remainder of the school year.
In August 2012, I was offered a teaching job in Charlotte, North Carolina. Desperate for a fresh start, I eagerly accepted and moved 600 miles away from home in less than two weeks. I made a goal to myself to not mention anything about Thailand or missions. That was in the past as far as I could tell. I began attending a new church that I quickly fell in love with.
Six months later, I ended up resigning from the teaching job that brought me to North Carolina, due to circumstances that I'd rather not go into in this blog. I took a part time retail position at a local consignment shop and continued to look for another teaching position in North Carolina, and had absolutely no luck. The cost of living in Charlotte began to be too much for my part time salary and I began to struggle financially.
In spring of 2013, I remember being at a meeting for the Life Group I had joined at my church home in North Carolina. Each meeting, we would start with prayer requests and praises. On this particular day, my prayer request was for direction in my life. I was having so many financial struggles, I wasn't really sure where to look for a job or what kind of job to look for. I was starting to wonder if moving back to Ohio was a necessary option. While giving this request, I began listing off a long list of possible jobs I could look into in various locations. It was in the midst of this list, that one of the guys from my Life Group randomly piped up and added "Or you could just move to Thailand". I remember being FLOORED. As far as I can remember, Thailand was a distant memory at that point. To this day, I don't really know how that person in my Life Group managed to speak straight into my heart.
But, that experience was one of the first times I started wondering if maybe God wasn't quite done with this calling for me yet.
As I ended up making plans to leave North Carolina (I was quickly running out of money), I decided to look at pursuing a masters degree in TESOL. I took the GRE (and did horribly on the GRE I may add) and applied to several schools.
Six days after moving back to Ohio and into my parents basement, I was offered another teaching job at a different school in Ohio. Shortly after starting that job, I got an acceptance letter from a local university for their masters in TESOL program. Unfortunately, I still hadn't managed to become financially stable, so I had to turn the acceptance down.
Towards the end of that school year, in spring 2014, I was really not happy with the job I was in. I started wondering if maybe I had completely misunderstood God's plans and was never meant to be a teacher. I was already burned out of the profession, and it was only my third year as a teacher. I made a decision that maybe TESOL really WAS God's plan for me. So, in spring of 2014, I contacted that university again, and managed to get re-accepted. I made plans that I would take a two year break off of teaching, pursue this masters degree once and for all, and transition into an ESL position. I was already living with my parents and had very few other monthly payments. (My "temporary" living situation after North Carolina ended up lasting over two years).
The flaw in my plan was what I would do as a job while I pursued this degree. I did NOT want to go back into the classroom. So, I began to look around for a new position. Sadly, as much as teachers tend to be "Jacks of all Trades"...my resume didn't tell the same story. I ended up taking a part time retail job (working off the success I had had with the consignment shop in North Carolina).
For the first semester of grad school, this worked out well. However, right around Christmas, the shop began cutting hours due to low sales and low traffic in the store. By January and February of 2015, I was being scheduled for only 10 hours per week, and normally working much less than that. Even with living in my parents' basement, I was struggling to make even my car payment. I had started taking the first class of the new semester. After only three classes, I ended up dropping out of grad school due to finances in March of 2015. I stayed at the retail store until the summer, when I realized that at the rate I was going, I would be living with my parents until I was 40. The job I was in was a job...not a long term career. I began looking for positions...yet again. At first I was still serious about not returning to teaching. But, after several failed months of finding a non-teaching position...I had no other choices.
Back to the classroom I went!
I took yet another job in August 2015. Over the next two years, I dabbled on and off about attending grad school again. I decided that due to the distance I was from many colleges, and Ohio's wonderful winter weather, maybe an online program would be better. Finding an online program wasn't that easy. Over those two years, I applied to several online gradaute programs. Many of the colleges I was interested in didn't have a TESOL program.
In August 2017, I took yet another new teaching job. (If you're tired of hearing that phrase, think of how tired I was by then of job hopping so much). And again, I began looking into online grad schools again, never really feeling compelled to commit to one.
In March of 2018, I was tired. And I still had no idea if this whole TESOL thing would ever come to fruition.
While sitting at home in March of 2018 during spring break, I was reading a blog post by a friend of mine. Essentially, her post was telling you to not allow your fears to stop you from doing what God has called you to do. "You cannot waist your life if you're following him with your whole heart" she says in this blog. (Read this encouraging blog post by following this link: http://walkfirstlivesecond.com/2658-2/) As I read her post, I instantly thought about this call to missions and all these "failures" I had. However, even when I thought I had messed up God's plan for my life, He continued to call. I hadn't messed it up. I had walked away, believing I was too broken to be of use to God anymore.
I took her post as a kick in the rear end. I quickly found another university...a Christian university...that had an online TESOL program. I got information, then applied, then got accepted. I started my program (again) in May of 2018.
And here we are...in January of 2020. I am five months away from completing this degree. And I have to say, I am quite excited to see where the next portion of this journey will lead.
And that, my friends, is my Decade Challenge.
