An Open Letter to my Former Best Friends

Well Happy New Year to everyone!

In my last post, I talked a lot about a sweet friend that danced her way into my life, but left quite the impact on my heart. I'm happy to report, that, like so many people in college used to say "Good byes are not forever"...and "It's see ya later...not good bye". I'm pretty sure I could create a completely separate blog about my conversations, plans, and endeavors with my sweet friend. But...alas, that is not really the point of this blog.

Regardless, I don't think "good bye" was really in our vocabulary after she moved to her next mission. Before she even left, I had found out about a chocolate festival that was coming to a town that was about 3 hours away from her (easily driven for a weekend)...and was also near my relatives. Six weeks after she left...we were reunited for a quick weekend getaway. Although the festival wasn't as great as we had hoped for, the company was well worth the flights and headaches.

And...better yet, her next mission is back in Ohio! We've been doing pretty well at seeing each other every 6 weeks or so. Having her back in Ohio, though, should open up a few more additional opportunities to spend time together. Like I said in the last post...it's the moments spent together that matter the most, not the time. I cherish each of the moments I spend with her in my heart for several weeks after I see her. But I know that in God's time...another reunion will eventually take place.

Relationships has become a theme for me recently. Part of my personal testimony and story is based on the struggles I've had at various points in life regarding friendships and relationships. The even sweeter part is to see how God uses those pains and struggles to teach me new things and introduce me to new people all the time. Our zombie party group still has a handful of people that get together each Sunday night...although we currently are a zombie-less zombie party (thank you, AMC, for putting our favorite zombies on break for the next few weeks/months). But, as Matthew 18:20 says, "where 2 or 3 gather in my name, there I am with them". Believe it or not, this weekly zombie-less zombie party has become one of the biggest blessings of my life. It's a community. It's friends. It's the people that I turn to first when I want to go out to a movie and not go by myself...and some of the people I turn to first when life starts getting just a little too hectic. I've been increasingly amazed about how God has completely changed my friendships and relationships in the past few months. And to think...it started with a strange addiction to zombies that has now well-surpassed being a Halloween seasonal option.

As I look back on past relationships, I can tell one quick thing about myself. I've always been a "quality over quantity" kind of person in friendship. Another words...I'd prefer to have 1 or 2 extremely close friends instead of multiple not-as-close friends. I've also learned more recently about myself on how hard it is for me to trust people. Sure, I may claim to trust you to your face. But it takes something special for me to trust you with ALL of my deepest secrets. I've spent some time looking back on some of my past friendships...and they seem to follow a sort of pattern. We become friends. Since I prefer the quality over the quantity...I tell them SO many things about myself. Fears. Failures. Hopes. Dreams. And if they're really lucky...who the current guy is I have a crush on. Things go great. Texting and calling dates happen. And then life takes over. I call to find a time to do something...and they aren't available. I'm in the midst of a minor emotional breakdown...and they're not available to talk. Life happens...and they aren't there. Because again...I wanted the quality of only having one close friend...and not the quantity of many friends. And eventually, paths start to part, jobs change, someone gets married, or an epic fight eventually ends the friendship. They walk away...with probably some regret, some grief, and a small portion of my heart and my trust with them. I have always loved the Irish Claddaugh as a symbol of love...both between a man and a woman...and between friends. And the way I look at the Claddaugh, is that it is 2 hands holding a heart. The only way to make a relationship to work (friendship or romantic) is for both sides to be equally holding that same heart. The Claddaugh of friendship I was wearing was more like one hand holding a heart...with several bumps and chips in the other side...from other hands that had been there for a time and then gone away.

This zombie-less zombie crew is one of the greatest things. For the first time in my life...I'm getting a quality...AND a quantity of friends that I've never experienced before. I like how one of the guys said it to me at one point during a low point in life..."you know you have us...and we're not going anywhere!" Every weekend...I'm reminded of that. Every Sunday night, we share the moments...and some pretty decent amounts of time...with each other.
 
With all this lovey-dovey "I Love my Friends" stuff...some may be wondering what the title of this post is all about. Over the last several weeks, I have seen many people on Facebook sharing these "open letters". It seems like they come from a blog...they tend to be to a variety of people. A few days ago, I read one of these "open letters" that was "An Open Letter to my Former Best Friend" (there's actually more than one by that title). One of the variations of this letter really struck a chord with me. But...there were too many details that obviously did NOT pertain to me and I didn't find it necessary to "share" the one online. Instead...I decided to write my own. With a more personal approach to it. So...here is my "open letter" to anyone who used to be a Best Friend of mine.


Hey Stranger!

I kinda miss you. I miss giving you updates about every little detail of my life. And in a way, I almost miss people asking me where you are or what you're up to because apparently we were a packaged deal at one point. I miss our inside jokes. The ones only you and I would ever actually get - far beyond simply "you had to be there to understand it".

But here's the weird thing. In all the ways that I miss you...at the same time, I don't miss you at all. I don't miss feeling like I had to be something I wasn't just to gain acceptance by you. Sure, it was all personal choice to change my hair, change my clothes, change my purse, and change my make-up preferences. I told myself I was doing it because I was in need of a "fresh new look". But really...I just wanted you to notice me. I wanted to feel like I fit in. I don't miss all the days I'd wait for a response to a text or an email - and sometimes never getting one back. Your texts and calls and emails were many times the highlight of my days! Sure...maybe you thought I was being clingy and constantly needed to be reminded that we were still friends. But...I'm surprised how long we called ourselves "friends" while I was having a monologue text message with your phone. Relationships needed communication. And ours was barely existent. And I don't miss the feelings of abandonment because I had chosen you to be one of my "one and only's". You must not have understood it. Those things I told you? Were important to me. I don't trust people very easily on a deep level. But I trusted you. I trusted you enough to tell you some of my dirty secrets, my hopes and dreams, and my personal struggles. So...when you walked away...you took some of my trust and my courage along with you.

But I've moved on. It wasn't easy. Oh, Lord, it wasn't easy. There were plenty of days where I wondered if I would ever be able to call someone a friend again. There were plenty of days when I wondered if there was an online friend-finder service (like match.com for friends?). And there were plenty of days...where I felt the ultimate realization that I had exactly ONE friend at that moment: God. And do you know what God did? He brought me new friends. Friends that ONLY God could have been responsible  for bringing into my life. Friends that all I have to worry about is being myself. No one else. Friends that when I text or call them, they actually text back. And quickly. Friends that don't dismiss 6 a.m. conversations. They know my schedule. And they know sometimes that's the best time for me to talk. Friends who take the time to listen and not claim to be busy and just try to push me off to someone else.Friends who continually point me towards God and His never-ending love. These new friends...aren't just friends. They're family. Because we all share one Father. They're better than best friends.

Come to think of it, that is the main difference between you and them. You got overwhelmed because you felt like you had to be the one to solve my issues. But they already know the one who made me...issues and all. And just like how you take a broken piece of merchandise back to the store, they take my broken spirits, my failures, my anxieties, and my fears back to the One who made me. You gave me a few sweet words and a couple of really good quotes for me to use. But they give me THE word of God when I needed it most. Better soothing than honey.

My biggest hope for you in your future is that you eventually get to know my Father and creator. I still pray for you, even if I don't tell you that. There's not a chance in the world that you don't at least a few times cross my mind. You were very important to my life at one point. Who knows if we'll ever rekindle some form of a relationship. But maybe that's what that friendship was for. It wasn't to stay friends forever. It was just long enough that I could plant a seed of my Father's love into your heart. You may not have been able to handle me...but He definitely can!

Thanks for the times. Thanks for the moments. Thanks for the memories. I know that God will use what I learned from you sometime in the future to help me. But for nwo, I'mhappy that he's brought me closer into HIS family.

Take Care!
Your Old BFF