Adventures in Tablet Buying

You know how the saying goes...where there's a will...there's a way.

Well...I have a willingness...and now I've found my way.

Computers and I have always had a very interesting history. My computer buying experience begins in 2007, after I graduated from high school.

While we were growing up, my parents taught my brother and I the importance of saving money. We even each had a bank account growing up at the local bank in our small Ohio town starting in elementary school. Throughout my growing up years, I remember being taught the importance of saving...as well as the importance of tithing to the church. Over my several years growing up and making some-what regular deposits into my bank account, I had accumulated a pretty decent amount of money (at least it seemed like a lot to my 18-year-old self at the time).

Over the years that we banked at the bank in our town, though, although the bank building stayed the same...the banking institutions that came and went changed several times. By the time I was graduating from high school, the most recent bank institution to enter the stone building in our town's downtown didn't have the greatest of rates. So, when I graduated the decision was made that I would be taking my money that I got from graduation and opening a checking and a savings account with the credit union that my mom had begun using. Conveniently located right behind the hospital she was currently working for. (A few years later, I also opened up a credit card account through the bank after a not-so-great experience with another major credit card company). My mom had told me that when I opened up that account, I would then be able to use whatever money was in the town's bank account to shop for a laptop for college.

So, in 2007, I began my first computer search. I was hoping to stay in a budget of around $500. At that time, however, desktop computers were still all the rage...and laptops were pretty pricey. My mom's sister's husband (my uncle...for anyone that couldn't figure out the family tree) has worked for an electronics company for many years and was able to provide some thoughts of what we'd be wanting to look for in a new computer. In the end...there were only a few options available. I ended up buying an Acer laptop from Circuit City (FYI...Circuit City is no longer in business). Life was grand...or so it seemed.

My first year of college, my laptop saw all sorts of issues. My college was not very "wireless" yet in 2007, so an ethernet cable was required to connect to the internet on campus. At one point of living on campus, my roommate and I had decided to arrange our beds in such a way that the only way for my roommate to get into her bed...was to climb on mine first. One time, as she was stepping down, her foot was a little close to my computer...and somehow a small piece of the ethernet port on my laptop broke off. That was eventually "fixed" in some sort with a little USB-powered device that provided a new ethernet port. Over the next year or so, though, my computer began to go slower and slower. Now...this was probably the first major electronics purchase I had ever made in my life...so to me a slow laptop was better than no laptop (plus enduring YEARS of having only dial-up internet service helped me be a TAD more patient with the computer). The Acer computer lasted through my sophomore year...but by the end of the year, it was apparent that something was wrong with the computer.

As I was getting ready to head into my junior year of college, I was going to be moving back to college early to be working for my 2nd year as a summer Orientation Leader at my college. About 2 weeks before moving back to school to do more OL work, my mom suggested that I take my laptop to a computer shop in the next town over. The shop was advertising a $25 computer diagnostic. I took the computer to them, paid the money (still seemed kind of high for my college kid finances), told them the "symptoms" my computer was having, and then waited to hear from them. They called a couple days later. The issue? The motherboard on the laptop was failing. Really, the only thing they could recommend was to buy a new laptop. (They basically said that they COULD try sending the laptop back to the manufacturer, however, the warranty had expired so I'd be paying to ship it there, for whatever parts and service, and to ship it back...probably ending up being more than just replacing the whole thing).

So, less than a week before heading back off to school for my junior year, my mom and I ran to the nearest Best Buy store to find me a new computer. Again, we were armed with suggestions of what to look for from my uncle. With a little help from the nice people at Best Buy, we ended up buying a new HP laptop. That time, there were several more options of laptops in the $500 range. If I remember correctly, since this wasn't an expected expense, I believe between my mom and I...we used about 5 methods of payments to cover the costs.

The HP laptop seemed SO much better than the old Acer (which...I later did a "Consumer Reports" search on...most people with that same Acer laptop had reported similar issues happening. Shortly after the warranty expired, major issues would happen with the computer, resulting in Acer not willing to cover the issues and the person replacing the computer). The HP laptop got me through the rest of my college career and into my first teaching job...a total of about 3 years.

In 2012, as I was moving to North Carolina, I noticed that my laptop was getting slow. Within the first week of being in NC, as my mom was still with me to help me move in, the battery on the laptop started giving in. I remember ending up running to a local battery shop in NC to buy a new laptop battery for the computer which seemed to do the trick for a while. The laptop had also started getting really hot when it was running. For years, my dad had been telling me how it's not good for a laptop to sit on a bed, desk, or human legs. For best performance, it NEEDED to be on one of those laptop/lap desk things (though I had plenty of people that told me that wasn't exactly true). But the laptop was getting so hot, I had to put either a blanket or pillow between it and my legs to make sure I didn't get burned. A couple weeks after moving to NC, I was sitting in my apartment watching Netflix (I bought a Wii a few months later with some unexpected Christmas money). In the middle of the show I was watching on Netflix, my computer froze, then turned off. I took that as God's sign to me that maybe 5 hours of watching "Bones" on Netflix was enough...and left the computer off and went to bed. The next day, I turned the computer back on and everything seemed to be alright again. For another week, at least. A week later, the same thing happened. At this point, I was already feeling over my head with stuff going on with my teaching job and being 600 miles away from home. I called my uncle for an opinion. No one seemed to know what was going on.

Again, I turned the computer back on after giving it a chance to cool back down. Two hours later, it turned off again. This time, I called my mom...in tears. I was 600 miles away from home. One of my major ways of staying in communication with people from home was through Facebook (we didn't have smart phones yet). My computer was necessary. After another call to my uncle, I made my way to the nearest Office Max store I could find, who performed a diagnostic test on the laptop. The "symptoms" I was describing about the computer seemed to be like those you'd find if the computer had a virus. They ran the scan...no virus was detected. I was told that IF there was a virus on the computer, most likely it was so deep in the computer, that it would be impossible to detect and destroy. I priced laptops while I was at Office Max. The nice people at Office Max helped me find a good laptop, and even offered to transfer all of my files and information to the new laptop...as well as get the whole laptop set up and ready to go for me. Again...I was buying a laptop with little notice. After spending money to move to a new city...I was spending even more to replace my laptop.

A couple months later, when I went to visit my aunt and uncle for a weekend, my uncle offered to do some updates and wipe the harddrive of the old laptop for me. Of the laptops he was working on, my old laptop was going slower than any others...and my uncle also noted how hot to the touch the laptop was (another words...something was REALLY wrong with that thing).

The new laptop from Office Max...another HP...again...seemed so much better after dealing with all the issues of the one before. Things went great. And then last summer rolled around...

As I was applying for various jobs last summer, I ended up getting a semi-impromptu interview for a possible Graduate Assistant position at the college I was going to begin my masters at. I ended up getting asked to do an interview for the GA position on a day I was planning on being in Virginia for a vacation for myself. The interviewer offered then to do a Skype interview. On the day of the interview as I was making sure Skype would work right, I noticed that Skype was indicating that it was having issues working through my computer. Thankfully (in a way), the interviewer had to re-schedule the interview due to being sick...and I had my cousin help me find ways to make sure my laptop would run faster. Long story short...I didn't get the position.

As I was driving back to Ohio from Virginia, trying to get through the Washington, DC traffic before it got too much worse, I got another surprise phone for a possible job with an all-online school. As I progressed through the interviews for that job (and...I'll save you the curiosity...didn't get that job either), I realized that if I were to get that job...I didn't think my laptop would be cutting it. So...a couple weeks after getting home, we scheduled to have a guy from our church come to the house to take a look at my laptop and see if he could give any suggestions, make it run faster, etc. This is a guy who owns an at-home business working on computers. The guy from church stayed over for a couple hours, took a few programs off my computer that were not needed, and showed me several programs that I could use to try to keep my computer running faster. I remember, though, when he left, he didn't think he had really done much to make my computer run faster.

Over the last year, it seems like the computer has been running even slower. Even today, as I'm typing out this post, occasionally, the computer is slowing down just not working as well as it used to.

For the last two years, I've been trying to NOT spend everything that comes my way for Christmas and Birthdays. Generally for Christmas and birthdays, I do get some cash. As a kid, I was pretty bad about just frittering the money away. But the last 2 years, I've been making more efforts to keep the money so that I can buy myself something I wouldn't normally buy myself. Last year, I saved my money and then in April, took a trip back to NC where I had lived. The money was my spending money to use on my little vacation. Since I had worked at an upscale consignment shop, I went back there and bought myself some new clothes to work towards updating my wardrobe. I did the same this year with part of my Christmas money, but I still have money from Christmas, birthday, and several other places.

So...as I've been trying to figure out what to do with that money, I decided over the last couple weeks, that maybe...especially if God really is going to be calling me into the missions field...or even to another area of the US...it would be nice to not be buying a new computer a couple weeks later. Or...if nothing else...just in general...actually looking for a computer before I absolutely NEED a computer and am just buying whatever I can find first. I realized that I probably had enough to make a pretty decent dent on buying a computer.

Last week, my mom and I were out shopping before we were going to be meeting my dad for dinner. There's a new Costco store that recently opened and we went there (my mom got a membership there with my dad). We weren't really looking for anything at Costco, but I did see their electronics while we were there. So...I decided to just take a look for fun and see what was on the market and what price I was going to be looking at. My mom had bought herself a tablet a year or so ago and thoroughly LOVES it. So...after going through 3 laptops in 8 years...I thought it would probably be okay for me now to look into a tablet rather than a laptop. I ended up finding one that I liked that seemed to be at a pretty decent price.

We still had time to kill after getting out of Costco, so my mom suggested, since I was looking at tablets, since we were in the right area, to go to Best Buy and see what they had available. So, as I was at Best Buy, I managed to get a couple of nice people helping me, who were able to suggest a great tablet and some recommendations for some other things to accessorize the tablet. A day or two later, I went back on the Best Buy website, and just in a general sense, got myself a "price range" that I was looking at. I took the list price of the tablet and the keyboard that I thought I'd get. This particular tablet also has a Micro SD card slot so that you can expand the memory usage and I was planning on getting a Micro SD card for that use. I added all the numbers up...then grabbed all my money and added that up...and I was $100 short. I actually started praying about it this week. My goal, was that if I was to buy this tablet and if God really wants me to do it...somehow I'd be able to cover the majority of the price...not just 2/3 of it. I thought maybe God would bring a good samaritan my way to pay for the rest, a winning lottery ticket to blow up at my feet, or even to possibly sell some other unwanted and unused items for some extra cash. Nothing came.

For the last few days, I've been looking at various ways to afford this tablet. The other day, as I was looking for a couple things in my room...I came across an Amazon gift card from probably 2 Christmases ago...and loaded it onto my Amazon account.  But at only $25, that still wasn't solving enough of my $100 shortage.

Just this afternoon, I decided to look again at the tablet. I had been thinking that I'd just buy the tablet and extra stuff from the Best Buy store...so that I knew I'd be getting what I wanted and excellent service. I noticed that if I bought the tablet through Amazon...it seemed a little cheaper. So...I went to the Best Buy site to compare (earlier when I compared the prices, it was about a $10 difference). Best Buy had put the tablet back at it's original price...making the Amazon price $30 cheaper! So...just for "fun"...I decided to put that in my Amazon cart. Amazon recommended pairing the tablet with a Micro SD card and a folio case...taking the price to about what I was thinking it would be at Best Buy. I really wanted a keyboard/case, though...so I replaced the folio cover for a keyboard...which turned out to be cheaper than what I had originally put in my "price range". And...I realized that the SD card they were putting with it...I could get by with a smaller one (I can buy an SD card many places...if I really want the bigger card, I can buy that later). I told my mom about the deal I was finding...and then realized I could save even MORE money...if I decided to get a blue tablet instead of a black one (seriously...who really cares what the outside of the tablet looks like?).

Put everything in my cart...and started doing the math. After subtracting the Amazon gift card, and my saved cash (which...I'll have to stop by the bank tomorrow and deposit)...the grand total that I'll be paying that's not accounted for? $17.55. My $306 order is going to be paid because of saving...mostly in cash...and I'm left to pay less than 20 bucks. AND...I signed up for an Amazon Prime membership a while back...so I also am getting FREE 2-day shipping.

No good Samaritan, no cash for unused items (though, I still have some things to figure out how to get rid of), and no winning lottery ticket blowing to my feet. Maybe it wasn't a HUGE sign from God. But with a little bit of faith, a little bit of patience...and a good calculator...I think this can still be considered an answer from God.

I should be getting my new tablet by Wednesday. :)

Style on the Inside vs. Style on the Outside

Over the last few weeks and months, I've had this feeling happening in my heart and in my soul. This feeling that maybe, just maybe, God is preparing me for a new path, a new direction, and potentially a new state! And as I said in an earlier post...no...I don't really have any "great" news to talk about. But somewhere in my soul, I just feel like something HUGE is coming my way. And...as (at least a portion) of the title of a song by Crystal Lewis says..."People get ready!" So over the last few weeks and months, I've been trying to do a few things to possibly get ready for this big move. Now...don't get me wrong. I haven't gotten any messages from God to completely sell everything I own for Him. But...there's something to be said about getting rid of some items that have just been collecting up dust for several years. Not gonna lie...at the same time, I see a practical reason to start cleaning up (besides a possible move in my future). I have too much STUFF.

To catch some up to speed a bit...last fall, I took a job at a retail store that specializes in buying your old stuff and reselling it. Yes, retail. I went from a career where my first job was to tell kids why they even needed to learn anything beyond 2+2, to a job where I (at least should) be trying to talk people into why they NEED that new shirt. Not gonna lie...I've never been much of a retail person myself. I took the job with the thought that this position would get me through maybe 6 months or so of employment as I began working on a master's degree, and then I'd find something full time and be gone. It's been nearly a year...and I'm still here. For the past several months, I have been looking for full time employment. As of the interview I did last week...that was the first interview I'd even been offered in 6 months. Surprisingly, though, this job has taught me some very surprising lessons.

So...in about April, I decided to start cleaning out my room. I mean...not gonna lie...many items I own I've had since college, moved from college back to home, moved from Ohio to North Carolina, and then moved back from NC to Ohio...and it is still there. So in March and April, I started clearing through some of that stuff with the idea that some of the items I would take to my workplace and sell it to them for a small profit. One thing that I had TONS of that I wanted to get rid of...several Vera Bradley bags and purses. After clearing through and deciding to only keep about 7 Veras, I took the rest to work...and ended up getting paid more than I thought I would. As I was driving home that day from bringing those items in, I started thinking. My Vera Bradley obsession began while I was in college. My sophomore year of college, I joined a sorority, and it seemed like EVERY girl in that sorority was a Vera lover. I made it to my senior year of college without buying a Vera (we did a Vera sale with the sorority at one point...and I was a little scared to see that most of the purses cost about half of my current pay of my part-time job on campus). Finally, sometime during senior year, one of the girls in the sorority ended up telling me that if I didn't buy myself a Vera before I graduated, that she was going to either give or buy one for me. (So...of course cheap-o me opted to not buy one!). That Christmas time, as my mom was looking for ideas for Christmas, I asked for a Vera purse. And now...every Christmas since...my mom has gotten me some kind of Vera purse.

Driving home after my Vera selling adventure I realized something. I had been using a brand of purses to try to "fit in" with a group of girls. I remember shortly after graduating from college, I had stopped at the same store I now work at and bought an almost-new Vera at a pretty cheap price. I was all excited and posted my "steal" on Facebook. And was pretty sad when not a single person "liked" my status.

As I've looked at some of the other items in my wardrobe and in my room...I've started to realize that some of the items I've held on to because somewhere in my brain, I think that if I just kept it long enough...maybe life would go back to an easier time. Before hormones. Before this hurt or that issue. If I just kept those purses...maybe all of my friends in college would become extremely close to me again! If I hold on to this shirt that no longer fits...maybe I'll be able to fit into it and look more like I did when I was a freshman in high school. If I lose enough weight and can fit back into that old dance costume...maybe I'll be able to go back to the days where 6 hours of dance classes a week were doable!

It's funny how many analogies about life I can make from things I've learned at this job. For example, most of the items we have in our store get an ink tag censor on them. In recent weeks, there's been a lot of discussions amongst us employees because there are some items that get a censor that are too thin, and actually end up with holes and tears due to the censor. Something that's meant to be a good thing to the garment, now has a hole. And...as many sewers and seamstresses could tell you...there are some things that can be "fixed". But...there are some holes that will permanently change a piece of clothing. It won't go back to the way we were. I see that in my life sometimes. I've tried to "censor" parts of my life...and due to hurts and past failures, there's a little hole. You can try all you want to cover it up, fix it, and sew it. But...it will never go away. It's always there. I think that's what some of my material possessions are becoming. If I could just fit into that top...maybe it will cover up the weeks and months of depression, hurt, and drowning myself in chocolate and Cheez-Its. If I could just fit back into that dress...maybe it would erase the hurtful words of that one friend. But...much like some of our items at work...it's never going to go back to that way. And sometimes...not having those things fit again is actually a sign of change!

So...my sophomore year of college, I bought myself this cute dress. I bought it at Fashion Bug (which...by the way...is pretty much out of business...or at least not in our area anymore). I wanted a new dress for Easter, and I also was going to my sorority's spring formal. That dress managed to be a good one for both of those events. I still had the dress (up until a couple weeks ago). For the last 2 years, I've been working to fit back into that dress as much as possible. I mean...in the years since I bought that dress, I've been through my fair share of hardships, changes, anxiety, depression, and the occasional over-eating. All those things have taken a toll on my body. I would work out, try to eat right, even became a Zumba instructor and began teaching my own class. And everytime I put that dress on...I still could not get the zipper to go all the way up! I finally stopped trying and decided to get rid of the dress once and for all after making a pretty big discovery. I could zip the dress up past my belly and my gut. The issue? The zipper wouldn't make it past my CHEST! Now...unless I'm the opposite of the Grinch and my heart is 2 sizes too big instead of 2 sizes too small...somewhere between age 19 or 20 when I bought that dress and now at age 26...my boobs had gotten bigger! Here it was that I thought the dress wouldn't fit because of my past...when really...that dress wouldn't fit because I have GROWN (physically, emotionally, and spiritually) because of natural causes.

As I've been clearing through some of the items in my room, I've started trying to ask myself about something. Each item that I am tempted to keep, I ask myself "is this an item that expresses me now...or is this an item that I'm holding on to...hoping that somehow my life will go back to an earlier time when things seemed easier?" One of my more recent goals is to get rid of a bunch of stuff from college. Not gonna lie...the majority of my non-dressy items have advertisements for either church, college, or the sorority. My goal has been over the last few weeks to try to get rid of some of those items and bring in new items. A couple years after graduating from college, I started to realize something about myself. I spent 4 or more years of college trying to "define" myself and painting a picture of myself...but my definition and picture was not the same as God's. All the way through college, I tried to tell everyone who I am...and failing. Because my description and definition were not God's. It wasn't until a couple years after college that I began seeing that. In the last 2 years or so, God has brought some of the most amazing people into my life. But there's something different about these people. They start seeing something different about me. If you go back to a couple of my older posts, you may see something about when I lived in NC. One of the things from living in NC that still has me baffled to today is what happened about 6 months after I moved there. I had been feeling like God was calling me to the missions field, but amongst other struggles I was having in NC, I don't really remember ever telling many people about that plan or goal. But about 6 months after living in NC, one of the guys from my Life Group randomly (or at least it seemed like that to me) asked me one day if I saw myself eventually living in another country. For pretty much the rest of of the time I was in NC, that person would keep asking me questions about if or when I was going to be moving over seas. The weird part is...except a couple random comments...I don't really remember saying much to my friends in NC about my missions trip to Thailand or my thoughts and dreams of missions work. So...I've started wondering how this person managed to figure that out and start asking me about it? Short of going too crazy about it...I've decided the answer is God. North Carolina was the first time I really think that "College Bethany" had worn off...and "God's Bethany" was starting to shine through.

I've been in my current job for almost a year. And the longer I stay here, the more I've realized just the amazing group of people that God has put in my life during this leg of my journey. Growing up, I've never been much for style and fashion. I've always been a pretty simple girl. In my opinion, as long as I have a pair of black pants and a pair of jeans...I can almost always turn one top into two different outfits. It's been funny to think about my style growing up. When I was in elementary school...I wore dresses almost every day...and got teased relentlessly for it. Once I hit middle school, navy blue was my color of choice (also was one of our school's colors...so it was like a 2-for-1 special!) and my "normal" outfit was: jeans, t-shirt, socks and tennis shoes, a hoodie, and my hair in a pony tail. When I got into college, I started doing a hybrid of the two styles...sometimes wearing jeans and hoodies...other times dressing up (I still stayed away from the dresses...except for special occasions). I've never really thought I had a style (unless "cheap" is a style?). But over the last couple months at my job...the ladies I work with have started to figure out my style. Just last week, one of the girls noticed I have been wearing a lot of dresses (calling it my "one-piece-wonder"...still not sure if I said that or not...lol) in bright colors. She had started to see my style...and knew my size (probably a dangerous combination) and had a dress pretty much in my size she thought I'd like and ended up giving it to me for free.

The thing is...I don't think some of the people that God's put in my life just understand my style on the outside...they get my "style" on the inside. I've learned in many different ways how God knows us beyond just what's on the outside (he knows the number of hairs on our head the Bible says). How much of the time is what we put on the outside a reflection of what our "style" is on the inside? I think about where I've been in the last few years of my life and where I am now. Brightly colored dresses are one of my new favorites. I don't think I'm enjoying those dresses for their one-piece-wonder appeal or to counteract the grey rainy skies in NW Ohio. Maybe...wearing those bright colored dresses...are my way of expressing the bright colors that are starting to appear within my inside "style". Last summer, I decided to chop my hair and dyed it. It's been over 8 weeks since my last hair appointment, and I've decided to start growing my hair out again and not coloring it. Over the last few weeks, I've not felt a need to change my hair color so that people can understand the change that is happening on the outside. If they see the change...that's great. If not...their loss not mine.

As I wait for my calling to my next chapter in life...I am working on finding ways to express the "new" Bethany. Why continue to carry "college Bethany" around? It's just added weight that I don't need. If God calls me to a job half-way across the country...do I REALLY want to be carrying memories from Tiffin, Ohio and Heidelberg University with me? Or do I want to lose that baggage and replace it with memories of the new-found friends I have made now? Do I really want to drag my memories from Elmore, Ohio and Woodmore High School to a new state and a new adventure? Even realizing that I didn't re-commit my life to Christ until AFTER high school? Will there be room in the U-Haul for all of that among all my single-living apartment items? Or won't it make more sense to cherish these memories and the people that see me for my inside "style"...and not just my outside "style"?

Let me end this post with a prayer:

Dear Lord Jesus,

Thank you for the amazing people that you've put in my life along this journey. Thank you for finding me the people that won't just offer me new clothes (and a little bit of peer pressure to buy them), but also the people that can make suggestions for my inside "style". Lord, as I (kind of anxiously) await what you will do in my life next, may I continue to remember that you've already provided so much for me right where I am. And Lord, help me to stop dragging along the older versions of Bethany from high school and college. The newer Bethany is so much prettier, smarter, and better than those! I pray, Lord Jesus, that over the coming days and weeks, that I can continue to work on getting rid of the Bethany I hoped I would become, the Bethany I wanted to be, and the Bethany that was just trying to fit in...and start embracing me as the Bethany that you've created me to be. And, Lord, I pray that anyone that reads this blog...even if they may not understand all of my inside jokes and thoughts...would be able to be touched by this message in some way. And now Lord as I get ready to go about the rest of my day, I pray that you'd send blessing and protection to all of those near and dear to my heart.

In your name I pray...
(and all God's children say...)
Amen

Hey Look...you can follow me now!

This will be short, I promise.

So...when I started this whole blogging idea...I obviously didn't really know what I was doing! I set up the blog (well...at least the writing portion)...and mostly just shared a link for it via Facebook. Now, two years later...and absolutely NO ONE informing me that there is no way to follow my blog...I have finally figured out what the issue is. Haha...silly me. I actually had to ADD a button so that people can follow me!

So...if you'd like to follow this blog (which I'm starting to think about getting a little more regular at posting in), you have a couple options. If you are a part of Google Plus, you can add me through there (I'm still learning as I go, though...so if that capability is still not quite available...someone please let me know). There's something about Google Plus on the side of the screen when I look at my blog...I think you can follow from there? If you click the icon at the bottom of the blog (1+ icon), you can share the blog with others (I guess once you start following it yourself?). Or...if you don't want to bother with Google Plus...enter your email at the top of this blog and every time I update, you will get an email. Not gonna lie...I signed my own email up for the email alerts. Not sure if you get just an alert or the full blog sent to your email. But I'll find out as soon as I push the "Publish" button.

Oh the joys of ever-changing technology!

Testimony: Take 2

Please Note: This post is NOT going to follow my traditional "Past, Present, Future" formula. At the moment (even being 8-ish months since the last time I updated my road to getting into the missions field) I am not ready to post an update. God continues to work on me, and in me. And really, I feel like something AMAZING could be coming to me in the next few weeks/months. But I'm not ready to spill the beans just yet on anything. Hopefully I'll get to give some news soon. But this time...I'm posting about a little project I gave myself this year.

Testimony Attempt #1

So right before the new year, I decided to do something that I don't normally do. I made a resolution. Trust me...as much as I can be a bit OCD about things and can be organized when I want to be. I can NOT plan ahead for the life of me. Not gonna lie...this is a pretty big problem. So...my resolutions I made at the end of 2014 are pretty astonishing in themselves.

One of those resolutions was to write out my testimony and share it 4 times. Sounds doable, right? But the problem is...I wrote out my testimony shortly after I rededicated my life to Christ before my sophomore year of college. Crazy enough...there's been quite a bit that has changed within my story since that time. My goal was to write out my testimony with FULL details. Everything from the good, the bad, the ugly, the "probably needed to be there to understand it", and the "probably should never tell anyone this". I planned to put it ALL in there.

Really, in the back of my head...I kind of planned to share this testimony with people from the church I was part of when I lived in Charlotte. Why them? (Sorry, Ohio friends). Mostly because I've lived in Ohio now for 25 years. If anyone is to not necessarily know the majority of my story, it would be them. So...I also wanted to include in my testimony an "adequate" depiction of northwest Ohio, and more importantly, my mostly unheard-of town of Elmore.

I probably should have known I had taken on more than I could handle when my testimony took me 4 months to write! Yep...started it right before Christmas, and ended it right after my birthday. Okay, so I didn't necessarily work on it EVERY day. There were several very tough and dramatic things to have to write in there and I had to take a few days (or a week), and get enough courage to put them down on paper. Yes, paper. I hand-wrote the whole thing.

When all was said and done...my testimony was (brace yourselves) 54 1/2 hand-written pages long. Actually, the writing itself was pretty therapeutic. But then I realized something. 54 pages either needs to be read or spoken. I'm practically to a mini-novel. Would anyone really like to read that? And more importantly...the service at my church in NC is about an hour long. IF I ever got the opportunity to share it...would I feel good enough to share all those things with people out loud? Would they want to hear it? And really, would they gain anything from it? Not gonna lie...over the next couple weeks, I tried to practice telling my testimony. But by about page 10, I was ready to be over (it's probably not a good sign when you don't even really want to tell your own testimony).

Over the past few months, I have heard several tips on sharing your testimony. And...sadly...mine pretty much was a good example of what you're NOT supposed to do. Short? Nope. Makes a certain point? Nope. I just wrote to be able to write. And...another place where I'm not gonna lie...it's all drama. When I realized that my testimony was 50+ pages long, I actually wanted to create it into a book ( I was already part way there, it seemed). I mean come on....others have done that! It was so dramatic...I actually started creating character names for everyone in my life so I didn't have to use their real names in my book. Seriously, after finishing my testimony, I attempted rewriting it into a novel. And again...I got bored with it before I got to chapter 2.

So over the past few weeks and months, I've been working more diligently on some Bible studies. Especially on faith. For some reason I've been on a mass faith-kick. If I hear of a book talking about faith, I read it. If I hear the word faith...I look up the Bible verses they're talking about. To date, I finished reading Lysa Terkeurst's "What Happens When Women Walk in Faith", re-attempted Beth Moore's "Believing God: Experiencing a Fresh Explosion of Faith", am currently in the midst of Lee Strobel's "The Case for Faith", my Bible study is in a new book by Cindy Bultema called "Red Hot Faith", and I've also read Hebrews 11 (sometimes considered the "Faith Hall of Fame") in multiple versions of the Bible. From all my studying on faith...here's what it boils down to:

Faith is trusting in the unseen. And realizing that even in our darkest moments, God is still there, blessing us. And that, my friends, is the greatest testimony of all.

A month or so ago, as I was reading all my faith books, I came up with my own analogy of what faith is. Here's a nutshell version:

Life is like a puzzle with no picture on the box. All the pieces are there to complete it. However, as humans we try to put the pieces together to fit our needs. Ever done that? Just like when you put 2 puzzle pieces together that don't go together...the fit may seem right, but the picture isn't. Same in life. Just because THAT job and THAT career path and THAT salary and THOSE friends seem like a good fit...the picture isn't right. And as we go on, putting these pieces in ways that make us happy...we generally end up with a mess. Faith, is taking a step back and trusting God...the puzzle-maker...to put those pieces together. He is the one who knows what the final picture looks like. But...just like in life...it's going to take time. (Just this past Christmas, my mom and I attempted to put together a 500-piece puzzle during Christmas afternoon. We thought a couple hours and we'd be done...it took us the better part of 2 days to complete). That's what faith is. Letting God put the pieces together. And in the end...it makes a BEAUTIFUL picture.

So...I have decided to rewrite my testimony. This time, instead of focusing on the drama, focusing on how God has used my sorry attempts at putting my life puzzle together to create something even better. This testimony is focusing on the blessings...not the drama.

So...here's my new and improved testimony (conveniently separated into 4 parts):

Part I: The Basic Background

I was born and raised in a Christian home. We did Bible stories and prayer before bed, prayed before all meals, attended church multiple times during the week, and participated in other church-sponsored events such as summer VBS. Over the first 10 years of my life, we switched churches multiple times. We were never necessarily denomination-specific (meaning, we weren't devout Lutherans and only switched to Lutheran churches...for example). To give a better idea, by the time I turned 10 we had attended a United Methodist church, a Christan and Missionary Alliance church, and a Church of God church. We switched to each of these churches due various reasons: jobs, travel times, or even current needs of our family or the church. In fall of 1999, we switched one more time to Grace Community Church in Fremont, this time looking for a church with a larger youth group as my brother was going into 7th grade. The first summer we were at Grace, in 2000, I attended Grace's VBS and that is where I made my initial decision to receive Christ through salvation. However, my salvation was brought on by jealousy. (My brother had gotten saved a few years before that, and I was jealous of things that he got to do as a Christian that I didn't get to do...like take communion).

Part II: The Next 10 Years

Because I accepted Christ due to jealousy and not because I wanted a real relationship with Him, I didn't understand what it meant to put my faith in God. As I said before, faith is believing in things not seen. Since I didn't have my faith and my beliefs in God, as life began getting harder through high school and even into college I was looking for a person, place, or thing to rely on, generally turning to my friends, which, in turn, hurt and sometimes even ended those relationships. I would try over and over to "fix" the relationship...but normally that didn't do much. I did this over and over for many years. When a friendship would end because I was relying on my friends more than on God, I'd just move on to find a new friend to call my own. The summer before my sophomore year of college, I found a few new friends when I decided to be an Orientation Leader at my college for the summer. I quickly became friends with a couple girls, eventually even joining the same sorority as them. However, about a year later, during summer orientation, I was beginning to feel like I had worn off the goodness of those friends and would be going through the same process for the millionth time or so. Struggling to figure out why all my good intentions were not working, I was in the midst of an online conversation with one of these new-found "best" friends when she said something that, at the time, made a huge impact on my life. All she said was "I'm not going to be here forever". At first I was hurt about those words, fearing that I'd screwed up the relationship again and would be alone very soon. I wanted to do something to change the path. I had been still going to church, so it's not like I didn't know what to do. And I decided I wanted to get baptized...something I had dreadfully avoided since becoming a Christian 10 years earlier. As I played out my new dream scene of my baptism, a problem became apparent. At my church, before you are baptized, the pastor asks if you are "trusting in Christ and Christ alone for your salvation". I realized that I wasn't. Sitting in my dorm room in August 2009, I rededicated my life to Christ and was baptized in an outdoor baptism a month later.

Part III: Trials and Blessings

Many people would leave their stories at that. Sadly, many people get the wrong impression that when one becomes a Christian, it's all happy days where nothing ever goes wrong again. I'd be lying if that's how I left this. Over the past 6 years since rededicating my life to Christ, I have been through my fair share of trials. But...as I look back on these trials, I can also see the great blessings that are only possible through faith in God. Here are 5 examples:

1. In June 2010, I got to travel to Thailand with my church. Numerous blessings came out of that including my feeling of the call into ministry and missions, as well as realizing that life isn't all that bad here in the US. Think it's crazy that you can't find a pair of shoes to go along with that matchy-matchy outfit? Most of the kids in our orphanages in Thailand had one pair of sandals, sometimes the hand-me-downs of another child, and some were even falling apart. What a joy for the kids when we bought them each a new pair of shoes. They sang praises to Jesus for new shoes, and the life they got to have in the orphanage that we provide the funds for. Although they didn't have as many material possessions as we have in the US, they had an amazing joy for the things they did have. What a load of blessings each of those sweet children had on my life!

2. Before heading to Thailand, I decided that I needed to do something about my monthly hormonal issues. So...I decided to begin going on birth control. Sadly, instead of my crazy hormone moods getting better, I ended up in a very deep dark depression for several months. As I kept wanting to go back to my old ways and relying on my friends to tell me what I should do to get out of this depression, sadly, many of my friends disappeared. I don't know if I've ever felt more alone in my life. To this day, there are very few friendships that survived that time in my life. It took me the next few years to discover where the blessing in that situation came from. As friendships began to be stripped away, I really only had one place I could go...to God. I even remember several times looking up to the sky and telling God, "Okay, it's just you and me...now what?" 

3. In August 2012, I moved to Charlotte, NC. Although I was excited for the new adventure, I faced numerous struggles in the process of moving there...and then with jobs when I decided I couldn't continue my teaching job in Charlotte. The blessing, I discovered early in my adventure to NC, was that God brought me to a sweet church and an amazing group of people. Within 6 months of being in NC, I had many people from my church knowing about my dreams of going into the missions field, some were even anxiously awaiting my announcements to move overseas next. For 10 years, I had gone to the same church and had to actually tell people that I wanted to be a missionary. In less then 6 months, with not many mentions of my Thailand trip, I had people encouraging me to continue with that dream. In my mind, I believe that the "real" Bethany was displayed in NC. My true God-given dreams were on display. And since it was from God, I didn't have to try to talk anyone into believing me.

4. 365 days later, I moved back home to Ohio. Although I was pretty upset about going back to the land of cornfields and snow, I needed the normalities of home again. The blessing of coming back to Ohio has happened over the last year or so. I've found new passions, worked on new goals, become closer to God, and even mended a few relationships within my family and friends. How life looked like when I was moving back to live in my parent's basement and how life looks like now (almost 2 years later), is completely different. 

5. Last fall, I began working a retail job, featuring a pretty steep pay cut from my last teaching job and part-time hours. But despite the financial and scheduling woes that came with it, there's been a great blessing from this job. I work with several devout Christians. I didn't just get co-workers. I found friends. Too many jobs in my past, I have had co-workers, but when I move on to the next chapter in life and away from that job, that's where the relationship ends. I don't see that happening with these girls. God's given me people that are more than just co-workers. They're friends. And part of His family.

Part IV: Wrap Up

Here's what it all comes down to: God can use even the toughest situations for His good and for the good of those that follow him.

November 2014

Back when I was in elementary school, I tried to keep a diary. And when I say "try" I really mean I wrote a couple entries and then never went back to it. I remember one particular diary I had gotten from a book sale at school and it came with a lock and key! I was so excited. I was good about hiding that diary away from my sneaky older brother, and even though ahead to hide the key in my sock and underwear drawer, thinking the idea of going in my underwear drawer to find the key would somehow stop my brother. I only ever wrote one entry in that diary. I was in like first grade and it was about 3 sentences about our first trip to Disney World. (I guess I remember it better because of the "creative" spelling of one word...I knew the word "great" had a strange spelling...so I spelled it as "grit"...my trip to Disney was GRIT!) Well, one day, my brother teased me and held up the key to my diary. I chased him into our bathroom where he was danging the key jokingly above the bathroom sink's drain (which was just a hole because the drain plug thing had broken). However, as he was doing this, he accidentally lost handle of the key, and actually dropped the key down the drain. We were able to break the lock off of the diary...but that still meant I needed a brother-proof hiding place (someplace worse than an underwear drawer). In the end I ended up throwing out the diary. Yes, the diary that only held one entry about my "grit" adventure to Disney World in 1995.

Ever since then, I've never been good about writing in diaries, journals, or blogs. For fear that somehow my brother will magically lose the key. And that my friends, is my great story of introduction after nearly 10 months of not writing. Can anyone say "oops"?

A lot has happened in these past 10 months. So...as always with keeping with tradition...here it is...in Past, Present, and Future form!

Past
Let's face it, the past 10 months have been...well...adventurous. When I last posted in January, I was happily employed at a charter school teaching 5th grade. As I was working that job, I made a decision. You see (if I never posted about this before) the summer I moved back to Ohio, I made a decision apply to start my master's at the University of Findlay to work on my masters in TESOL. The good news is...I got accepted!! The not-so-great news is...I got my acceptance letter 3 days before classes started...on a Friday...classes started the following Monday. I couldn't financially commit to something like that. So as I was teaching last year, I told myself that if for some reason something happened and I DID NOT take that teaching job again for another year, I'd take my acceptance with Findlay and work on my masters.

Well...let's just put it this way. Inner-city schools and kids...are rough. Coming from the girl who graduated with about 100 people in high school, and went to a small college in good old Tiffin, Ohio (seriously...talk about a random town with 2 colleges surrounded by corn fields), inner-city is a completely different ball game. We ended up with only 10 days of school in the month of January...thanks to our snow-apocalypse. Pressures mounted, kids lost vital information they needed for the upcoming standardized tests. I started getting worried. As the school year went on, I started realizing something. I'm not Wonder Woman. I'm a teacher. And these days in the world, schools think teachers need to be BOTH. All over the US, the amount of work teachers are being asked to do on a daily basis is insane. And inner-city schools just maximize that. Inner-city is a completely different feel. As I've gone through orientation at different jobs that are mostly in inner-city areas, I remember getting the lessons on inner-city kids. Mix in a change in administration, a lack of support at the school when I needed help. The end of the year started going sour. By about May, I was starting to look into other jobs. After reading some information and having some conversations with some colleagues, I realized that inner-city was not right for me. I have been teaching for 2 1/2 years...and each year things are getting easier. Teaching in inner-city for me is like teaching in another language to others. I don't understand it. So, I decided that I needed to look into other jobs. Preferably in more "suburban" settings. As the last couple months of school went on, I realized that this is just not what I want to be doing. And I made my decision that I'd look into other jobs...or plan on starting my masters.

After job searching for a while, I did send an email to my admissions counselor at Findlay and asked about starting my masters. A couple days after the school year ended, I met with one of the professors for the masters program (who also taught a Linguistics class at Heidelberg) and had a great discussion.

And I played the application dance. I applied to NUMEROUS jobs. A few times I got close to either getting offered a job or at least an interview...and then something would happen...and I'd never hear from that employer again. It seriously happened 3 different times. What a huge let down! To be so pumped about a job...just to have something fall apart at the last minute! I already had enough money saved up for the first semester of grad school in my savings account. So...in August, I went ahead, paid the money, and registered for my first 2 classes of grad school. Nerd status was at a high level!

Now, don't think that I made all of these decisions based on a couple "moods" or "thoughts" or "feelings". Yes, I'm a girl. Yes, I am an emotional mess sometimes. Yes, my emotions do play roles. But a few things helped me see that maybe this was where I needed to go.

In the spring, my Bible study at church started a study by Lysa Terkeurst called "What Happens when Women say Yes to God". It's a great study where Lysa talks about saying "yes" to what God's asking you to do. Although my old habits of not keeping up with Bible studies continued to torture me, I did my best to keep up with this study. And since this grad school, job, and future thing was fresh on my mind, I even kept a journal through the study to work through the study. It seemed to come at the perfect time to work on this study. I needed to know if this whole idea of grad school and ESL was just my own ideas...or if God was in there somewhere. In the study, Lysa points out 5 questions to ask when figuring out if something is from God or not:

1. Does it line up with scripture?
2. Is it consistent with God's character?
3. Is it confirmed through messages at church or my quiet time?
4. Is it beyond me?
5. Is it pleasing to God?

The thought is that if most of these answers are yes...then it is most likely something from God and something God is asking you to say yes to. So...I put it through my grad school and ESL scenario:

1. Does it line up with scripture? Yes. The Bible is full of scriptures telling us to go make disciples, reach out to others, and teach others. You can't just enter a random country and be a missionary. Having a common language would be nice. So, yes...it lines up with scripture.
2. Is it consistent with God's character? Although this is a bit harder to understand, I believe that this is consistent with God's character. That's about the only explanation I can give.
3. Is it confirmed through messages at church or my quiet time? Haha...oh yes! I've heard messages about missions work at church, we've had updates about the Thailand orphanages, I see it on my Facebook page. But read a little further, and I'll explain another place I got some confirmation.
4. Is it beyond me? Well...unless I win the lottery, financially, it is beyond me. And as I've been told, grad school isn't easy work-wise...so it will be beyond me.
5. Is it pleasing to God? Yes...teaching others to speak English and maybe even lead them to Christ? I'm pretty sure that's pleasing to God!

This study sparked in me the thoughts and plans that maybe grad school was the right place to go. But there's something else. There's a dear friend of mine at church. This dear friend walked a little further into my life a few years ago when I would occasionally sing with the choir. And by occasionally...I mean most weeks I'd be sight reading and lip syncing during the first service, and then singing it a little better by the second service...all the time smiling and pretending like I actually was singing the right tune at the right time. Anyway, this dear friend is also a music teacher at a local school. As I've been teaching, we've sent occasional messages back and forth about teaching, music, and some other things. After my last job, I sent her a message telling her all about the end of the year and the struggles and dilemma about my future I was in.  In her response message to me, this dear friend encouraged me to pray and look for the little naggings in my heart where God was possibly showing me what path to go down. I laughed when I read that. God had been nagging and pulling on my heart for almost 4 years. Maybe it's about time I gave him a listen?

In September, I finally was offered a job. It's only part time...but I came with a GREAT reference from my old retail job in NC. I accepted the job, mostly for a way to end my boredom and to at least be able to pay my monthly bills...if nothing else.

Present
So now the moment everyone's been waiting for. What am I doing NOW?

Well, I'm working my part time job at Clothes Mentor in Perrysburg, Ohio. I like the people I work with, but the hours aren't always great, and they get long. I mean, just this week I worked 7 days in a row...starting last Friday and finally ending yesterday! I caught a cold on Monday. One of the things you need to do when you're sick is to rest. Well...that hasn't always been able to happen. I ended up crying at work yesterday because my ear was bothering me so much, that I got sent home early and told to rest. Doctor's appointment today at least confirmed that I don't have an ear infection. But congestion is not much fun to deal with! Financially, I barely make enough money to cover my monthly bills (granted I also have about 2 tanks of gas a week and several fast food trips each week due to my schedule).

I'm also taking 2 graduate level classes...and somehow...I'm managing to maintain A's and B's in both of these classes! It is hard for me to express in a blog post just how happy this makes me. You see, all the way through undergrad, I mostly got B's, an occasional A, and a few C's. I ended my undergrad career with a cum GPA of 2.98. I even had to get academic overrides to make up for my GPA a couple of times. But somehow I'm getting A's and B's. I'm amazing myself with how much and how fast I'm learning things in grad school. I enjoy the company of the other people in my class. And I only have one explanation on how I've gotten B's on the last few tests I've taken when I only study for about an hour the night before the test and then do another review session during lunch at work....GOD. There's only one place this success is coming from....GOD.

And I teach a Zumba class in Tiffin twice a week. This was a little goal of mine...to one day have my own Zumba class. At first the class started out really well, then shrunk down to 1 or 2 people. But for the majority of the last couple weeks, I've had 4 to 5 participants!

If you took a map of northwest Ohio, plotted out Perrysburg, Elmore, Tiffin, and Findlay, and then connected the dots, you'd basically end up with a giant rectangle around most of NW Ohio. I'm currently looking into new full-time jobs that may be a better fit for both my schedule and my bank account than my part time retail job. I'm mostly looking at administrative jobs at colleges because I think that's where I'd like to work after I get my masters. Many colleges these days have ESL and international programs, and this past summer when I was looking for fun, there were several schools in Ohio with ESL positions open. I actually applied for a couple jobs a couple days ago at one of the area community colleges. One of these colleges actually has a campus in Findlay, so I'm praying that I get that job...or at least a shot at it. That job would double what I'm making now, and would be located across town from my grad school classes....so that would greatly cut down on my commute times.

Future
So where is this all heading? Not quite sure right now. Mostly it's all prayers right now to see what God wants me to do with my future. I don't have quite the funds for next semester, considering my job situation. So, first thing I see for my future (and am praying for) is a new job. As mentioned above, that job in Findlay sounds promising (they are supposed to be reviewing applications starting on Thursday...prayers for that!). I also see myself doing even better in class for grad school. Right now...even though sometimes the immediate future is a little scary...I finally feel like this is the path God wants me on. And if I'm supposed to go back to Findlay next semester, He'll find me the funds to do it with.

More to come on this later. And hopefully in less than 6-10 months!

Six Months Later...

First off, I have not meant to be gone off the blogging world for such a long time. But so many things have happened in the last several months. To hopefully keep me from veering too far off the "normal" path...I'm going to put this post again in my normal organization: Past, Present, and Future. That way, I can update on what HAS happened, what IS happening, and what I hope eventually WILL happen. Let's just sum it up this way....things have changed!

Past
So...before writing out this post, I had to read (or more importantly, skim) some of my previous posts to see where I was in everything. Ironically, in a good six months time...the updating is not too far from the beaten path. Let's see...my last post was in June. I was struggling...financially, emotionally, pretty much on many levels. My heart was in about fifty-seven places. For one...I knew I was in love with living in North Carolina. But...as I explained in my June post, the thoughts of moving back to Ohio were hitting a little closer to home. So pretty much here's how that panned out.

I went back to Ohio in July for a friend's wedding. Before leaving to go back to NC, my dad and I sat down and tentatively set a date to move back to Ohio. By that point, I was a little okay with that plan. Job prospects weren't working out, I was running low on money, hope, and occasionally, faith. And as I said in that post in June...there were some great things that could come out of being back in Ohio. I set that date with my dad with the idea that I'd have a job before then and the whole crisis would be adverted.

However, that wasn't God's plan. And by the middle of July I was giving my 2-weeks notice to my retail job. And on August 13, exactly a month after I had arrived for my adventures in NC, I was saying goodbye to it all. Put simply: I was miserable. Because as I kept telling myself the whole way back to Ohio, I wasn't really going back willingly by choice. I was going back because I had run out of money and was at a loss. What a way to think! I mean...seriously...what good was there going BACK to the land of corn fields, flat lands, and being an "independent" 24-year-old, who would now be living in her parents' basement.

But as the move back to Ohio had been looming, I started becoming proactive. I started praying...and thought of some of those things that had made me dislike Ohio and made North Carolina look so amazing. And then I started acting on those. It started with an email to the children's director at church. One of the things I had learned from my time in NC...where I wanted to serve. For a while I had sworn to myself that I wasn't going to go back to my church "home" when I got back to Ohio. This was the new-and-improved-moved-away-from-corn-field-land Bethany! But...then again I thought maybe I needed to see it in a bit of a different light. So I looked into serving in other areas. I love working with children...and I love to sing and dance (thanks to the children's director at my church in NC). By the first weekend I was home, I was already in talks with the people in charge of the children's worship time at church...and getting my name on the schedule for my first time leading!

Then...I tackled the employment thing. Before leaving NC...I started looking for jobs in Ohio...and actually found one...and was offered an interview a day or two after moving back to Ohio. This was at an arts charter school that I had actually applied to last year when I was frantically looking for a job. Unfortunately, that job didn't work out. So, I went back online to all my trusted resources for finding jobs...and found another charter school in Toledo to apply to. Went in for an interview on a Monday...and was offered the job that afternoon! Granted...I am now teaching 5th grade Language Arts and Social Studies at a charter school in Toledo.

Even though at first the idea of moving back to Ohio seemed so wrong...God has made this into the best decision possible. New friends, new ministries, new schedule, new job. In a way...I feel like a new PERSON back in Ohio.

Present
So, where does that leave me now? Well...in a comfy spot. I'm happily employed (our 4 snow days postponing the return to school has been a little nice too). I'm financially stable. Things seem to be going pretty well. But here's where it now comes down to missions.

Now that we've officially hit the new year, I'm being posed with an interesting question: what do I do this summer? You see...with the new job, as a teacher, I am actually being paid on a 12-month salary. With that said...even when we hit the summer vacation, I will still be receiving my regular salary until about mid-August. I can sit on my butt and do NOTHING for a whole summer...and get paid a beginning teacher's salary to do it! But knowing me...especially after this nicely extended winter break...I will be needing something to do. My mom poses this question to me fairly regularly. Because for once in my life...the options are semi-endless. I could start a master's degree. I could just take random classes in something I want to try (underwater basket-weaving, anyone?). I could look into something completely new and different (Ohio Scottish Games...and Highland dancing). I could try something new. I could get a random part-time job. Or...the one that's been making me think a lot...I could do a missions trip.

I have the money. I have the heart. I even have an active Ohio teaching license to teach English to middle schoolers. Seems like a fool-proof plan...right? And right now...that seems like the best plan. I'm single...I have no kids...and I have the funds to support myself in a foreign country. So why not? So here's where the dilemma comes. WHERE??? There are so many places I'd love to go: Thailand, Ireland, England, Germany, anyplace tropical, surrounding countries of any already said countries. I've thought of going back to Thailand to revisit the orphanages again. Or to Kenya and look into The Kilgoris Project that my church in NC supports. Or to El Salvador to work with a set of missionaries I met in college who spoke at Campus Fellowship several years ago. For an indecisive girl...that's a lot of options! Asia sounds like a better idea for the "missions" side of things and for the potential of teaching English. But I've always wanted to go to Europe.

Future
So, as Ohio thaws out from our early 2014 snow-pocalypse...I'll start thinking of warmer places...and times. Last night, before going to bed...I had a really bad headache and stupidly took a couple Excedrin. Smart to kill a headache...but Excedrin has caffeine in it. Granted, I was WIDE awake for several hours last night when I should have been sleeping. In my caffeine-induced state, my mind started thinking about missions...and it made me so happy. So that's what my future looks like now. Continuing on the "new" path I'm on...and praying for direction. Like...literally...a direction to go (north, south, east, west, way west, way way west, far east, middle east, south east...who knew there were so many directions?). I'm praying that over the next few months, God moves in me to show where He wants to take me. I'm willing, and I have what I need. Now I just need a destination. And who knows...maybe He'll keep me in the lower 48 for some other kind of plan. So, friends, join me in praying for the direction God wants me to take to be shown.

Plan B may now be Plan A?

Oh what a life I lead! Things just keep getting more and more interesting. I want to talk about the Thailand trip for a bit, which will lead quite nicely into an update on decisions and how I'm working on things for getting into the missions field, which will also lead pretty nicely into some projections on the future and some things coming up. So for this post, I'm breaking up my sections...but the way they should be broken up. The whole point of my blog: Past, Present, and Future. And just for the heck of it...since I'm still on a bit of a Hannah Montana high...she may be working her way back in this post somewhere. (Somehow...I'm learning some great life lessons from Disney Channel shows and Bible lessons from Kidstreet - the children's ministry at church). Alright...let's get started!

Past
I've been looking forward for so long to do some writing about my trip to Thailand back in 2010. And now here I am...all ready to talk about it...and I don't know where to begin. I guess before we even get to the trip itself, I need to back up and give some info.

Back in 2008, my church in Ohio (Grace Community Church in Fremont) made an announcement. My family had begun going to Grace in about 2000. Shortly after beginning to attend there, Grace began one of their first giving campaigns. This one was to raise funds to build an addition onto the current building. The main point of this addition? We needed a bigger auditorium. The new space was going to house a 1,000(ish) seat auditorium, a new nursery, coffee bar, a classroom or two, and a few other features. A couple years later, that was done. Then a few years after that, with the growth of children's classes and needing more space...we added an addition onto the "new" addition to have a new choir room, a few more classrooms, and an extension of the current lobby. With all these renevations and additions, Grace was doing booming business (I'd like to take a minute and just say that all of these facts, figures, and desicions are not necessarily 100% accurate...it's just based on what my then teenage mind remembers now in my 20s. Please don't quote me for facts or figures or get mad if I get some details wrong. My memory may not be THAT good). But they still wanted to do something even more...but this time...maybe not in Ohio...or even the US for that matter. They wanted to do soemthing international. We joined forces with an organization called Asia's Hope which (at the time) provided orphan homes for orphaned children in Thailand and Cambodia (Asia's Hope now has grown and is also building orphanages in India as well). With the help of sponsoring churches, basically the church raises the money, sends it to Asia's Hope, and then we get to see what God does with our money.

Now, up to this point, I really didn't pay much attention to that stuff. In 2008, I was finishing up my freshman year of college and starting my sophomore year. That was a year filled with changes in friendships. I didn't have any idea what was going on in Thailand or how any of this was working out. I wouldn't be "into" that kind of thing for another year or two.

As I continued my studies in college to be a teacher (middle school math and language arts...don't even ask questions as to why...everyone has their own gifts...and none of us are alike) I also began getting into the classroom more and more. As I spent different semesters in different classrooms, I was starting to realize in just a few years since I had been in middle school, how much the education system seemed to have changed. So many children are diagnosed with ADD each year...and this actually became a bit of a talking point with many throughout several classes. Emphasis is put on group projects and cooperative learning...as I'm remembering taking tests on 100-something vocab words in Mr. Hollenback's history class freshman year and writing down tons of notes in Mr. Smith's Algebra II class in high school. So why is it now a big push for cooperative learning and interactive learning. Lecture-style teaching is mostly what I remember. But as I go into all these different classrooms...I notice something. Kids just don't care about their learning. They'd rather read subtitles on a movie than a book. Yes, I believe in creative songs and dances to learn things (I still can name all 50 states...in alphabetical order...thanks to a song we sang in 7th grade choir...and School House Rock is the only way I remember the preamble to the Constitution). Sometimes I would wonder if I chose the right profession...and I'd always come back to the same answer: yes I chose the right profession.

In late 2009, as we were preparing for the Christmas season, Grace started including in their announcements slides at church, some things from the Thailand orphanages. There would be a scanned copy of holiday cards that some of the kids made...followed by a quick picture and bio of each orphan. For me, this was the first time I remember actually seeing RESULTS from our orphanages. These bios would include statements from the children about how much they LOVE SCHOOL, love to be able to learn, to learn English, to learn about the Bible. I remember standing at church one Sunday reading through these when it hit me: I want to teach THOSE children. These are the ones that actually WANT to learn. Not because the law requires it...but because they truely want to. I wasn't sure if or how that would ever happen...but that's what I wanted to do.

The answer to that came a couple months later. In February of 2010 (or around that time) the announcement was made at church that they'd be making a trip to visit the orphanages in Thailand that summer...and this time they would be taking a team from the church (the last couple times it was only one of the pastors that went). I wrote down some quick info about it, and started thinking. A week or so later, I was on the phone with my mom and mentioned about the Thailand announcement...and then told her I wanted to go. They scheduled an info meeting about the trip...that I couldn't go to due to sorority events going on at college. My mom went for me...gave me the application and her words of wisdom (go ahead and apply...and we'll see what happens). Sometime in March-ish...I found out that I would be on the team to Thailand. Preparations began.

The trip was to happen in June. As we all know, though...my normal life was still happening as well, though. Around the same time of all this trip stuff...I had a pretty bad falling out with one of my best friends (long story...not going there right now) and other stressers on my plate to deal with. I was excited for the trip...but by the end of the semester...I was pretty worn down. Thankfully, due to some interesting circumstances...my relationship with my friend was rekindled and we had one of the most crazy summers together...complete with the "death" of my neon blue Dodge Neon (on the side of Rt. 20...while we were driving), trips to Put-In-Bay and Lakeside, sleepovers, and a bunch of other stuff.

Finally the trip came. (pictures will be included in here) We flew out of Detroit, Michigan and took an overnight flight to Paris, France. However, we ended up staying in Paris for an extra 12 hours due to "engine failure" of sorts on our connecting flight that was to take us to the capital city of Thailand: Bangkok.

 (This was our place to stay in Paris)

 If all had gone right, we would have ended up in Chiang Mai two days later according to our time...and sometime at night. But due to the extra time we had to spend in Paris, we ended up getting there sometime in the late morning the next day. We went to our hotel, which was costing us maybe about $60 per night in American money...but seemed more like a resort. (Picture above...a map of the resort we stayed at). I think it will be easier to just tell the rest of the story with pictures. Please note: this is a highly abbreviated version of the trip. Remember...I was there for 5 days...and there's only 10 pictures on here of over 500 I took while there.

 Dinner the first night. I worried my stomach wasn't going to like foreign meat...so I went for all veggies!

 All of the kids from the orphanages...I think we've now added a few more.

 The next morning, we took the kids out to a pool to go swimming. I guess I didn't think there would be anywhere in Thailand with CLEAN water...so I neglected to bring my bathing suit. However, after being in airports for 2 days traveling...and not really having a good change of clothes or a shower in a couple days...my traveling clothes smelled pretty bad. So...I went swimming in those! The rest of the day was spent with the kids at the orphanage, and a "small" shopping trip to buy them some essentials: like cups, shoes, and new towels.

 The next day (Sunday) after church, we had a baptism for all of these kids (plus pastors/leaders in this pic)

 The next day we did some tourist-y things like go to an elephant show! The elephants had a mini version of the Olympics. They played soccer, painted, played dead...pretty much all their tricks that they had. (Hence the flags drawn on each elephant...they represented a different country of the Olympics!)

 And then we got to take pictures with the elephants. And in case you want to know...the undersides of an elephant's snout is VERY prickly and tickled!

 After the elephants, we saw a snake show. Just put all the pieces together: 7 women and 2 men as the only audience? And you end up with a very tense hour of girly shrieks, a few faces hiding...and even a prank of what appeared to be a snake being thrown into the audience. (By the way...all the snakes in this show could easily have killed someone. The ones in the picture I believe are King Cobra's)

 This was the most amazing of all the stops we made. You see, the orphans we take in are from the Northern Thailand hill tribe villages. I'll post a nice Thailand history lesson in a later post...but put simply...these children don't grow up in the greatest of conditions. And then...to add to the matter...Thailand has a very high child trafficking rate. Put it all together and you end up with hundreds of children who are dealing with health conditions, deceased parents, and either need to be put in an orphanage...or run the risk of ending up part of the child trafficking. The picture above is showing a home in one of the hill tribe villages. Looks more like a set from either the "Swiss Family Robinson" or another one of those movies. But really, this is where they live and where the kids grew up.

 On our last day, we spent some final time with the children on the grounds of our hotel...which also had a botanical-style garden, a few animals, a park, lots of paths to walk around (oh yeah...and it also had a spa...I can say I have officially had a REAL Thai massage!) This was during our last round of worship with the kids as we were preparing to tell them that our visit was coming to an end and we'd be going back to the US the next day.

 And finally, the little girl who made an impact on me at the end of the trip. Her name is Pim. We learned a little bit about her and her family from church before coming on the trip. She's probably near the same age as my niece, Satori. I had sworn to myself that no matter what, I did not want to get too attached to any one child on this trip. I just knew returning home was going to be difficult if I did. I enjoyed spending time with ALL of the kids. But on that last night, each child said good-bye. Then a few came around for a 2nd round of good byes. And as other members of our team were saying hard good-byes to children they had made a  bond with...and I'm standing there...this little one comes SPRINTING straight to me...jumped in my arms...and refused to let go..even after we told them we had to leave. I may not have felt like I got attached to any one child...but this kid is one of the lasting memories that I have from that trip.

(Okay...that section ended up being a LOT longer than I expected. I'll try to make the next two sections a little shorter. Be glad it was only 10 pics...and not the 500+ I still have...lol)

Present
As I mentioned in an earlier post, I've been in a bit of a pickle when it comes to finding a new job for next school year. I've applied numerous places, done many interviews...and rarely hear back from anyplace. The last post I posted, I did mention some new ideas about going to Virginia and either looking for jobs there, or possibly working on a masters degree. After posting that post, I had a conversation with my mom because I was all excited about that idea. It didn't feel like it flew too well with mom (if I'm going to work on an online master's degree...I can do it anywhere...doesn't have to be in Virginia...and...what will a master's degree in "Missional Studies" do for me?) After getting off the phone with her, I was checking my email to find that she had sent me an email a few days earlier after my first post with some mommy advice in it. Somewhere between the phone call, the email, and the fact that me and sleep are not getting along very well...and I keep losing!...something in me started to change. I started realizing that maybe...going back home to Ohio wasn't that scary of an idea after all.

As I began reflecting on the last year...I realized that (and I'm going to make this my comeback to a lot of things) although I still LOVE my church and the people in it here in North Carolina...that's about the only positive thing I can find from being here. I started looking, at all the things that I left in Ohio...thinking I'd find a way to work it in NC...and now realizing...I didn't. Like Zumba. In March 2011, I became a trained Zumba instructor. I began working and subbing into some Zumba classes at the YMCA that I had started taking Zumba in. No, it wasn't really ever paid...but I DID get to take class for free since I was an "instructor" at the YMCA. I thought when I moved here I'd have no problem finding a place to take Zumba classes. I tried out 3 different classes...but nothing really felt right. I even have 2 Zumba games for the Nintnedo Wii I bought myself in November. But let's face it. Zumba is so much more exciting when you have people to do it with. That's where weight loss motivation comes from. And then there's boys. I was hoping to find love in the south. Instead I found a couple addictions to shows on Netflix.

I'm not saying all this to be a pity party for me. I'm saying this because maybe I do miss Ohio more than I'm leading on to. So earlier this week, I started doing something a little different. I started looking in Ohio for jobs and ideas. Because really...I think I'm okay with moving back home. I came, I tried, but this just wasn't right for me right now. While looking around in Ohio, I also came up with another idea. I started checking out the University of Findlay and their TESOL (Teaching English to Speakers of Other Languages) and Bilingual Education master's program. I've spent a few different nights looking at the program...and seriously...it looks amazing. I thought TESOL was just going to be a lot of crazy English and linguistics classes. But it's more than that. There's even one class that is specifically about teaching abroad...where you get to teach abroad for part of the class. Not gonna lie...the program looks amazing! So I filled out the application on Thursday.


Okay...so to wrap this up, let me tie Hannah into this someplace. Haha. Here it is, I'm actually about to finish the last 3 episodes of watching the full series through of Hannah Montana for the 2nd time. I forced myself last night to quit watching for long enough to attempt to read a book. In the last few episodes of the show, Hannah/Miley sings a couple seemingly "farewell" songs...in the show geared towards the changes that were going to be happening between her and her best friend. One of the songs, though, has really grabbed my heart and been in my head for a long time. Instead of trying to explain it...I'm just going to put in part of the lyrics at the end here. In a way...this how I feel like moving back to Ohio is going to feel like over the next month or so. As I've been telling a few people that I'm looking into grad school back in Ohio...so far it's been received with much support and people telling me that TESOL is right up my alley, or they can see that as a really good fit for me. All very good responses. I may not completely agree with everything Miley Cyrus is doing with her look and life right now...but these lyrics are a pretty good description of me at the moment.

I always knew after all these years
There'd be laughter there'd be tears
But never thought that I'd walk away
With so much joy but so much pain
And it's so hard to say goodbye
 
But yesterday's gone we gotta keep moving on
I'm so thankful for the moments so glad I got to know ya
The times that we had I'll keep like a photograph
And hold you in my heart forever
I'll always remember you