Plan B may now be Plan A?

Oh what a life I lead! Things just keep getting more and more interesting. I want to talk about the Thailand trip for a bit, which will lead quite nicely into an update on decisions and how I'm working on things for getting into the missions field, which will also lead pretty nicely into some projections on the future and some things coming up. So for this post, I'm breaking up my sections...but the way they should be broken up. The whole point of my blog: Past, Present, and Future. And just for the heck of it...since I'm still on a bit of a Hannah Montana high...she may be working her way back in this post somewhere. (Somehow...I'm learning some great life lessons from Disney Channel shows and Bible lessons from Kidstreet - the children's ministry at church). Alright...let's get started!

Past
I've been looking forward for so long to do some writing about my trip to Thailand back in 2010. And now here I am...all ready to talk about it...and I don't know where to begin. I guess before we even get to the trip itself, I need to back up and give some info.

Back in 2008, my church in Ohio (Grace Community Church in Fremont) made an announcement. My family had begun going to Grace in about 2000. Shortly after beginning to attend there, Grace began one of their first giving campaigns. This one was to raise funds to build an addition onto the current building. The main point of this addition? We needed a bigger auditorium. The new space was going to house a 1,000(ish) seat auditorium, a new nursery, coffee bar, a classroom or two, and a few other features. A couple years later, that was done. Then a few years after that, with the growth of children's classes and needing more space...we added an addition onto the "new" addition to have a new choir room, a few more classrooms, and an extension of the current lobby. With all these renevations and additions, Grace was doing booming business (I'd like to take a minute and just say that all of these facts, figures, and desicions are not necessarily 100% accurate...it's just based on what my then teenage mind remembers now in my 20s. Please don't quote me for facts or figures or get mad if I get some details wrong. My memory may not be THAT good). But they still wanted to do something even more...but this time...maybe not in Ohio...or even the US for that matter. They wanted to do soemthing international. We joined forces with an organization called Asia's Hope which (at the time) provided orphan homes for orphaned children in Thailand and Cambodia (Asia's Hope now has grown and is also building orphanages in India as well). With the help of sponsoring churches, basically the church raises the money, sends it to Asia's Hope, and then we get to see what God does with our money.

Now, up to this point, I really didn't pay much attention to that stuff. In 2008, I was finishing up my freshman year of college and starting my sophomore year. That was a year filled with changes in friendships. I didn't have any idea what was going on in Thailand or how any of this was working out. I wouldn't be "into" that kind of thing for another year or two.

As I continued my studies in college to be a teacher (middle school math and language arts...don't even ask questions as to why...everyone has their own gifts...and none of us are alike) I also began getting into the classroom more and more. As I spent different semesters in different classrooms, I was starting to realize in just a few years since I had been in middle school, how much the education system seemed to have changed. So many children are diagnosed with ADD each year...and this actually became a bit of a talking point with many throughout several classes. Emphasis is put on group projects and cooperative learning...as I'm remembering taking tests on 100-something vocab words in Mr. Hollenback's history class freshman year and writing down tons of notes in Mr. Smith's Algebra II class in high school. So why is it now a big push for cooperative learning and interactive learning. Lecture-style teaching is mostly what I remember. But as I go into all these different classrooms...I notice something. Kids just don't care about their learning. They'd rather read subtitles on a movie than a book. Yes, I believe in creative songs and dances to learn things (I still can name all 50 states...in alphabetical order...thanks to a song we sang in 7th grade choir...and School House Rock is the only way I remember the preamble to the Constitution). Sometimes I would wonder if I chose the right profession...and I'd always come back to the same answer: yes I chose the right profession.

In late 2009, as we were preparing for the Christmas season, Grace started including in their announcements slides at church, some things from the Thailand orphanages. There would be a scanned copy of holiday cards that some of the kids made...followed by a quick picture and bio of each orphan. For me, this was the first time I remember actually seeing RESULTS from our orphanages. These bios would include statements from the children about how much they LOVE SCHOOL, love to be able to learn, to learn English, to learn about the Bible. I remember standing at church one Sunday reading through these when it hit me: I want to teach THOSE children. These are the ones that actually WANT to learn. Not because the law requires it...but because they truely want to. I wasn't sure if or how that would ever happen...but that's what I wanted to do.

The answer to that came a couple months later. In February of 2010 (or around that time) the announcement was made at church that they'd be making a trip to visit the orphanages in Thailand that summer...and this time they would be taking a team from the church (the last couple times it was only one of the pastors that went). I wrote down some quick info about it, and started thinking. A week or so later, I was on the phone with my mom and mentioned about the Thailand announcement...and then told her I wanted to go. They scheduled an info meeting about the trip...that I couldn't go to due to sorority events going on at college. My mom went for me...gave me the application and her words of wisdom (go ahead and apply...and we'll see what happens). Sometime in March-ish...I found out that I would be on the team to Thailand. Preparations began.

The trip was to happen in June. As we all know, though...my normal life was still happening as well, though. Around the same time of all this trip stuff...I had a pretty bad falling out with one of my best friends (long story...not going there right now) and other stressers on my plate to deal with. I was excited for the trip...but by the end of the semester...I was pretty worn down. Thankfully, due to some interesting circumstances...my relationship with my friend was rekindled and we had one of the most crazy summers together...complete with the "death" of my neon blue Dodge Neon (on the side of Rt. 20...while we were driving), trips to Put-In-Bay and Lakeside, sleepovers, and a bunch of other stuff.

Finally the trip came. (pictures will be included in here) We flew out of Detroit, Michigan and took an overnight flight to Paris, France. However, we ended up staying in Paris for an extra 12 hours due to "engine failure" of sorts on our connecting flight that was to take us to the capital city of Thailand: Bangkok.

 (This was our place to stay in Paris)

 If all had gone right, we would have ended up in Chiang Mai two days later according to our time...and sometime at night. But due to the extra time we had to spend in Paris, we ended up getting there sometime in the late morning the next day. We went to our hotel, which was costing us maybe about $60 per night in American money...but seemed more like a resort. (Picture above...a map of the resort we stayed at). I think it will be easier to just tell the rest of the story with pictures. Please note: this is a highly abbreviated version of the trip. Remember...I was there for 5 days...and there's only 10 pictures on here of over 500 I took while there.

 Dinner the first night. I worried my stomach wasn't going to like foreign meat...so I went for all veggies!

 All of the kids from the orphanages...I think we've now added a few more.

 The next morning, we took the kids out to a pool to go swimming. I guess I didn't think there would be anywhere in Thailand with CLEAN water...so I neglected to bring my bathing suit. However, after being in airports for 2 days traveling...and not really having a good change of clothes or a shower in a couple days...my traveling clothes smelled pretty bad. So...I went swimming in those! The rest of the day was spent with the kids at the orphanage, and a "small" shopping trip to buy them some essentials: like cups, shoes, and new towels.

 The next day (Sunday) after church, we had a baptism for all of these kids (plus pastors/leaders in this pic)

 The next day we did some tourist-y things like go to an elephant show! The elephants had a mini version of the Olympics. They played soccer, painted, played dead...pretty much all their tricks that they had. (Hence the flags drawn on each elephant...they represented a different country of the Olympics!)

 And then we got to take pictures with the elephants. And in case you want to know...the undersides of an elephant's snout is VERY prickly and tickled!

 After the elephants, we saw a snake show. Just put all the pieces together: 7 women and 2 men as the only audience? And you end up with a very tense hour of girly shrieks, a few faces hiding...and even a prank of what appeared to be a snake being thrown into the audience. (By the way...all the snakes in this show could easily have killed someone. The ones in the picture I believe are King Cobra's)

 This was the most amazing of all the stops we made. You see, the orphans we take in are from the Northern Thailand hill tribe villages. I'll post a nice Thailand history lesson in a later post...but put simply...these children don't grow up in the greatest of conditions. And then...to add to the matter...Thailand has a very high child trafficking rate. Put it all together and you end up with hundreds of children who are dealing with health conditions, deceased parents, and either need to be put in an orphanage...or run the risk of ending up part of the child trafficking. The picture above is showing a home in one of the hill tribe villages. Looks more like a set from either the "Swiss Family Robinson" or another one of those movies. But really, this is where they live and where the kids grew up.

 On our last day, we spent some final time with the children on the grounds of our hotel...which also had a botanical-style garden, a few animals, a park, lots of paths to walk around (oh yeah...and it also had a spa...I can say I have officially had a REAL Thai massage!) This was during our last round of worship with the kids as we were preparing to tell them that our visit was coming to an end and we'd be going back to the US the next day.

 And finally, the little girl who made an impact on me at the end of the trip. Her name is Pim. We learned a little bit about her and her family from church before coming on the trip. She's probably near the same age as my niece, Satori. I had sworn to myself that no matter what, I did not want to get too attached to any one child on this trip. I just knew returning home was going to be difficult if I did. I enjoyed spending time with ALL of the kids. But on that last night, each child said good-bye. Then a few came around for a 2nd round of good byes. And as other members of our team were saying hard good-byes to children they had made a  bond with...and I'm standing there...this little one comes SPRINTING straight to me...jumped in my arms...and refused to let go..even after we told them we had to leave. I may not have felt like I got attached to any one child...but this kid is one of the lasting memories that I have from that trip.

(Okay...that section ended up being a LOT longer than I expected. I'll try to make the next two sections a little shorter. Be glad it was only 10 pics...and not the 500+ I still have...lol)

Present
As I mentioned in an earlier post, I've been in a bit of a pickle when it comes to finding a new job for next school year. I've applied numerous places, done many interviews...and rarely hear back from anyplace. The last post I posted, I did mention some new ideas about going to Virginia and either looking for jobs there, or possibly working on a masters degree. After posting that post, I had a conversation with my mom because I was all excited about that idea. It didn't feel like it flew too well with mom (if I'm going to work on an online master's degree...I can do it anywhere...doesn't have to be in Virginia...and...what will a master's degree in "Missional Studies" do for me?) After getting off the phone with her, I was checking my email to find that she had sent me an email a few days earlier after my first post with some mommy advice in it. Somewhere between the phone call, the email, and the fact that me and sleep are not getting along very well...and I keep losing!...something in me started to change. I started realizing that maybe...going back home to Ohio wasn't that scary of an idea after all.

As I began reflecting on the last year...I realized that (and I'm going to make this my comeback to a lot of things) although I still LOVE my church and the people in it here in North Carolina...that's about the only positive thing I can find from being here. I started looking, at all the things that I left in Ohio...thinking I'd find a way to work it in NC...and now realizing...I didn't. Like Zumba. In March 2011, I became a trained Zumba instructor. I began working and subbing into some Zumba classes at the YMCA that I had started taking Zumba in. No, it wasn't really ever paid...but I DID get to take class for free since I was an "instructor" at the YMCA. I thought when I moved here I'd have no problem finding a place to take Zumba classes. I tried out 3 different classes...but nothing really felt right. I even have 2 Zumba games for the Nintnedo Wii I bought myself in November. But let's face it. Zumba is so much more exciting when you have people to do it with. That's where weight loss motivation comes from. And then there's boys. I was hoping to find love in the south. Instead I found a couple addictions to shows on Netflix.

I'm not saying all this to be a pity party for me. I'm saying this because maybe I do miss Ohio more than I'm leading on to. So earlier this week, I started doing something a little different. I started looking in Ohio for jobs and ideas. Because really...I think I'm okay with moving back home. I came, I tried, but this just wasn't right for me right now. While looking around in Ohio, I also came up with another idea. I started checking out the University of Findlay and their TESOL (Teaching English to Speakers of Other Languages) and Bilingual Education master's program. I've spent a few different nights looking at the program...and seriously...it looks amazing. I thought TESOL was just going to be a lot of crazy English and linguistics classes. But it's more than that. There's even one class that is specifically about teaching abroad...where you get to teach abroad for part of the class. Not gonna lie...the program looks amazing! So I filled out the application on Thursday.


Okay...so to wrap this up, let me tie Hannah into this someplace. Haha. Here it is, I'm actually about to finish the last 3 episodes of watching the full series through of Hannah Montana for the 2nd time. I forced myself last night to quit watching for long enough to attempt to read a book. In the last few episodes of the show, Hannah/Miley sings a couple seemingly "farewell" songs...in the show geared towards the changes that were going to be happening between her and her best friend. One of the songs, though, has really grabbed my heart and been in my head for a long time. Instead of trying to explain it...I'm just going to put in part of the lyrics at the end here. In a way...this how I feel like moving back to Ohio is going to feel like over the next month or so. As I've been telling a few people that I'm looking into grad school back in Ohio...so far it's been received with much support and people telling me that TESOL is right up my alley, or they can see that as a really good fit for me. All very good responses. I may not completely agree with everything Miley Cyrus is doing with her look and life right now...but these lyrics are a pretty good description of me at the moment.

I always knew after all these years
There'd be laughter there'd be tears
But never thought that I'd walk away
With so much joy but so much pain
And it's so hard to say goodbye
 
But yesterday's gone we gotta keep moving on
I'm so thankful for the moments so glad I got to know ya
The times that we had I'll keep like a photograph
And hold you in my heart forever
I'll always remember you

Thailand...and other news

Well...we'll see if we even get to talking about Thailand today. Ever since my first blog post, I've been excited to blog again and have been thinking of multiple ideas of what I can blog about next. The Thailand story will take a good deal of time, but there's been other things happening in the last few days that I wanted to touch basis on first. We'll just start working on this and see where everything goes. My Thailand memories will still be in my memory even if I don't get to blogging about it this time around.

What the Future Holds

For the past several months, I've been going through a very crazy time of figuring out where I should be and what I should be doing. As I mentioned in my last post, I quit my teaching job that brought me here to NC back in February. I then started working at an upscale resale shop, but short of winning the lottery or having a wealthy relative die (which I am NOT wishing upon....don't get the wrong idea)...finances are becoming an issue. My mom's began helping me pay each months' bills...but that's only doing so much. And I'm still just barely scraping what I need. I realized at church this past weekend as we were getting the updated numbers from our giving campaign...that it's been a little while since I last tithed at church. In my mind, the "ironic" part of this...is that I went through Dave Ransey's "Financial Peace University" back in September/October. When I got the job with CMS...that was officially the most money I had ever seen in my LIFE and was afraid I was going to fritter it away and forget to pay the bills. I went through that class trying to figure out what to do about my WEALTH. However, now that I think of it, I may need to go back through my materials and see what Dave says about moving 500 miles away, still single, and resigning from your job. However, I also have another book by Suze Orman called "The Money Book for the Young, Fabulous, and Broke" which, just by the title, sounds like a better description of where I am now.

So for the past few months, the big question has been playing through my head...what do I do now? When I originally resigned from my position at CMS, I was 100% against moving back to Ohio. Not that I don't love my family...but I've been a little spoiled now of living on my own. I was willing to do pretty much ANYTHING to stay in NC and not move back to Ohio. I was using my Life Group and my church as my reasons why. I didn't see any reason to move back to Ohio. When I had moved here to NC...I was more than ready to go. I had parted ways with many friends, I had no job, no boyfriend, and even my church was going through some big changes. In my mind, there was nothing holding me in Ohio...accept me and my ego. But this time, it seemed different. As I've thought and prayed over it the last few days and weeks, I finally admitted something to myself yesterday that I hadn't really been ready to spill out. I'm lonely. Yes, I have a wonderful church and a great Life Group...but they all still have real lives as well. Me? I have a few too many lonely nights. I think that's why recently I've taken to staying up to almost 3 a.m. or later at times. My friends are found through games on Facebook and Netflix during those times. A week or so ago, I finished watching the "Hannah Montana" series on Netflix. Although the last couple episodes WERE somewhat sad...I realized yesterday that part of the reason why I had started crying at the end of that series was because I had seen Miley Cyrus more times in a 2-week period than I had anyone else. Same was true back in October...only instead of Miley, it was Emily Deschanel (who plays Dr. Brennan on "Bones"). It really is like losing your best friend. You get so tied up in the lives of these people when you watch a series like that...that eventually you begin to feel like you're part of it. So it's pretty devastating when it ends. The bottom line, though...I'm lonely. I was even the one who had already decided that if I do stay in NC another year, regardless of what the extra cost would be...I wanted to get a puppy.

I've known a fact about myself for a long time. I know that something isn't right with my life or current situation when I start day-dreaming of things/people/events that would make the situation "better". For example...when I was in college, I really didn't like going to parties or bars. However, whenever I did go, I'd start coming up with crazy scenarios of who could crash the party or do something else to make it more interesting. Or after I finished student teaching, I was asked out on a date by a guy that I really wasn't interested in. In the midst of this date...my mind was reeling with ideas like 1.) running into friends in Toledo or 2.) drinking a few too many of the advertised alcohol specials. (Use your imagination to figure out how either of those would get me away from my date.) Yes...my scenarios get a little evil at times. But on the flip side, there's also been events that have happened that I play through my head just as they happened because they were PERFECT and I'd love to be able to relive them over and over and over again.

The whole reason I just admitted about my day dreaming...is because I think that's been what's been happening lately. Remember how I posted all about those dreams in my last post of doubling up my life and being an author, actress, dancer, singer, or anything else? It's the loneliness setting in. I'm spending time dreaming of a life I'm not living, than enjoying the life I have. And when I start doing that, in my mind it means that I'm really not finding true JOY in what I'm doing.

So over the past few weeks, I've considered looking at other areas for jobs. And just in the last few days, I've also looked again at going to grad school. I'm still not overly thrilled of the idea of moving back to Ohio. But I've started looking at Virginia as a possibility. I have relatives that live in VA, so if needed...I'd have either free or cheap room and board. My aunt sent me a text yesterday about the Suffolk, VA schools hiring, and I was able to apply for a job or two with them. And just today, I considered that if I was looking into VA, I may as well look into grad school there as well. I requested information on 2 different graduate programs through Liberty University today. I've looked at Liberty for a few reasons. First...I found that they actually offer residential grad programs (meaning you can live on campus). That's what I originally looked at. But as I'm writing this...I also came up with a different thought. The same program I'm interested in is offered as an online program. So...(this is just a dream scenario)...what if...I apply for the online program and move to VA with relatives? That way...I can also hold some form of a job while I work on my masters...and I won't have the pressures of all the rent/internet/utilities payments. And I believe...my undergrad loans should be able to be put on hold for a while. The program at Liberty I'm looking at is called (and I'm quoting this from Liberty) the "Masters of Divinity with a cognate in Missional Studies". The next big question: how exactly would that help me with my hopes of becoming a missionary.

And with that thought in mind...this blog post is done. Thailand will be discussed at a later time.

A lot of leg work

Well, welcome to my newest blog!! For anyone that knows me that may be reading this, my heart for the past several years has been in the international missions field. I spent a week in Thailand back in 2010 and absolutely loved it. And since then, I've known that I want to go back and do even more. However, there seems to always be something standing in my way of doing that. Sometimes I feel like I want to tell many people about those aspirations, but never felt like I had the means necessary to do that. Yes, I've had journals and diaries before, but that's not really what I wanted. I had a Xanga account when I was in high school, but just like other "old school" sites, no one really uses Xanga...plus you have to have an account to do much of anything. I created a blog here on Blogger almost exactly a year ago...and named it "Life As I Know It". I think I was hoping to create that one into the "grown up" version of my Xanga account. Sadly, I posted once and than never posted again...until now. I didn't like that last blog. Because, let's face it. If I'm going to tell you everything there is to know about my life, we'd probably be better off if I just took a video camera around everywhere with me and recorded everything. It would definitely take a lot of the "he said/she said" drama out of anything. A life blog just isn't right.

So here's why this blog is created: to share about my aspirations and journey to missions work. Taking a look at my past...how that has helped mold me into the person I am today; my present...what's going on now; and my future...wherever that may be. This first post I'm anticipating to be quite lengthy. As the title even says: there's a LOT of leg work to cover. In future posts, I'll try to focus more on the present, with a little past and future sprinkled in. This first post probably will almost read like a book. I'm going to try to break everything down into smaller sections, focusing on different things (somewhat like chapters in a book). If needed...there may be a second part to this. For you, my reader, I only have one warning before I get started: I hope you LOVE to read! For many of my friends who have known me for any number of years, I am a girl of many, many, MANY words. Sit me down and ask how I'm doing...you'll get quite the answer. Some people like this...others start checking their watches and making excuses for not being able to stay and listen. I've sent lengthy emails when I feel highly about something and I've even sometimes have had to break up a Facebook message into two parts because (in case you didn't know) there's actually a limit on how many characters you can have in a Facebook message. I am not creating this blog in easy-to-read segments for your pleasure. If you're interested...you'll sit and read the whole thing because you care. If not...you'll skim over it...think it's too long...and move on.  Long story short: I rarely keep things "short and sweet". So...without much more...let's get this blog on the road!!

A Brief Testimony:
So, to get everything started, since this blog is mostly about missions work, I find it appropriate to begin with my Christian testimony. Now, a few years ago, I wrote out a long version of my testimony (about 6 pages...typed). But I AM going to shorten it a bit here.

I was born and raised in a Christian home. Since I was young, I have always gone to church. I've never really been one specific denomination, seeing as my family has changed to numerous churches, each of a different denomination it seems. This list includes Methodist, Christian and Missionary Alliance (aka...Alliance), Church of God, and for easier understanding and to save a long explanation...let's just say non-denominational. We actually traveled between those four different churches between the time I was born and I was 10 years old, landing in the last one the summer before my 5th grade year at age 10. I loved going to church and learning about all the stories, and knew for a while that something was missing from my life, but never knew what it really was. The following summer after beginning to go to that last church...I attended the Vacation Bible School at that church. This was the first summer I would actually be going to Bible School without knowing ahead of time all the details. While at the previous church, my mom always helped lead VBS (often times the music). I always knew what songs we would sing and their motions, what craft we would do, what Bible story was being taught, and what snack and game we would be doing. However, for the first time in my life...that summer...my mom wasn't involved. I remember having fun at that VBS, and not much else. Sometime during that week, though, we were offered the chance to receive the free gift of salvation if we wanted. I quickly raised my hand, went off into a room with a woman from the church, and that day was "officially" a Christian. 

Well...up until this point, though, my definition of a "Christian" was pretty weird. I thought I had it all right. I went to church (2-3 times a week at that). I learned John 3:16, Psalm 23, and other random verses. But, as I'd come to learn the hard way...that's not what makes you a Christian. I never got baptized then either. Oh, believe me, there were plenty of sermons about getting baptized. But I never wanted to. Eventually I hit those crucial middle school years...and life just seemed plain HARD. Lots of things happened while I was in middle and high school. Things happened with my family, my friends...I was being rocked on all sides. But the problem was, I wasn't living a Christian lifestyle. I didn't have much in the way of faith. As life became more and more crazy, I'd suffer with its "curve balls" that it sent my way. Crap started "hitting the fan" as the saying goes. Friendships ended, teasing ensued, family issues happened. And I was getting beat down with each issue. This actually continued to various degrees into college as well. But without a good foundation of Christ...I was lost. My sophomore year of college, I met some new friends and joined a sorority (more on that will be explained later). But life raged on even after that. In the summer of 2009...after a conversation with one of those new-found friends...somewhere in that conversation, she said something that at that time of life made a lot of sense (however, looking back...it doesn't have the same affect anymore). After that conversation, I realized what was going on and how my life was going crazy. I knew I had to do something...and my first thought was to get baptized. My church taught that baptism was a showing of your faith...and I thought that was what I needed to do. I just needed to remind myself and others that I really was a Christian. After thinking about it more, though, I decided that before I took that step, I needed to renew my faith...and rededicated my life to Christ. That time, I did by myself, while sitting in my dorm room at college. The following weekend, I signed up to get baptized...and in September of 2009, I was baptized.

(Please note: this testimony was really hard for me to shorten. If it didn't make any sense and you're completely lost...let me boil it down to just this: I became a Christian at age 10, made mistakes and walked away from God, and then rededicated my life to Him at age 20 and got baptized)

So why now?
Alright, I must confess. This "leg work" part of the blog is going to take more than one post. I'm already tired of typing...and this is just the beginning. So before I sign off and try it again a little later, I wanted to give my "present" part. My testimony is from the past. So...you may be wondering how I got from that testimony to this blog. Good question! That's part of what I'm hoping to figure out myself. This is just my way of getting all my thoughts out so I can give you a decent answer about that. So let me explain what's been happening recently in my life...so we at least have a little more of the ground work.

I graduated from college in December 2011 as a teacher. I'll post later about my June 2010 trip to Thailand...which will be pretty important to this blog. But for now, I'm staying with the post-college sides of things. After graduating from college, I started applying for jobs. My mom had given me the idea that since I only had the second half of the school year, I could really apply wherever I wanted...think of it as a 6 month "working vacation". I started applying for jobs in Ohio, Alaska, Virginia, North Carolina...and even entertained the thoughts of going to my dad's roots in the Texas and New Mexico areas. I only got one job offer from all those applications...in Toledo, Ohio, and stayed home. After I was done at the end of the 2011-2012 school year, I again started looking a new job, this time I was trying to stay closer to home. I was looking into Virginia...and possibly just over the border into North Carolina...but mostly in the Norfolk and Richmond areas of Virginia, and pretty much anywhere in Ohio (even did an interview in Columbus). I got 5 or 6 interviews, but no jobs. As I began making new plans for maybe just applying for ANY job in Ohio...so I could start paying my student loans...I got a surprise phone call at the end of July from Charlotte, North Carolina, asking me if I'd like to do a phone interview. I agreed, had the interview the next day, and 30 minutes later, was called back and offered the job. This was now August 1, 2012. After accepting the job in NC, I had to find an apartment, a church, and move to NC...by August 13th (12 days away). It was a crazy time of complete cold-emailing (kinda like cold-calling...only I was doing it via email) to apartment complexes, possible churches to check out...and even a few gyms to see if I could find a place to teach Zumba (more on that later too). After church on August 13, my mom and I loaded our two cars and made the 500+ mile trip down to Charlotte, NC. While I attended teacher orientation, my mom scouted out ALL of the Goodwills and Re-Stores in the area (even managed to find the worst part of the city) to buy furniture for my new apartment. We spent three or four nights in a hotel...living off of clothes in duffel bags and two over-packed cars. A few days after arriving, I finally was able to sign a lease to an apartment, and as I was still doing orientation stuff all-day every-day...my mom started setting up my apartment.

This whole time, I had been planning on visiting a church in the Charlotte area that I had decided I liked to looks of...mainly from their website. My mom, though, had a contact from her twin sister that lived in the area..and she kept in contact with almost daily while moving me in. This contact eventually offered that I could try visiting HER church..Journey Church in Huntersville, NC. I stayed with my original plan to visit the church I had found on the internet...but as that first week wore on, but eventually decided I would check out this other woman's church first...since I actually had a contact there. I sent an email to the church to see what info I could get (eventually...the church secretary that answered my email I would find out was in the same Life Group with me). Showed up on the first Sunday (my mom had left to go back to Ohio that morning). Cried a lot...met a bunch of people...and let's just say that it was love at first...visit. I quickly met many people from the church, got involved with working at the coffee shop and eventually helping to lead worship for the children's area. Things were going beautifully...well at least some things were.

My teaching job with CMS (Charlotte-Mecklenburg Schools) wasn't going so well. In October, things weren't going very well. That beginning of school excitement had worn off and I was really struggling. After a few thoughts of giving up and moving back to Ohio, I decided to continue. I thought that the issue was probaby me. Since I had moved to NC so quickly and had not really had a chance to actually settle in...I was probably just overwhelmed. Continued through the rest of the first half. I went home to Ohio for Christmas in December (I had spent Thanksgiving in VA with my mom's sister's family) and that was the first time I'd been home since moving in August. While sitting at home on New Year's Eve before going to a NYE party, I started thinking. I loved where I lived, I loved my church, but I really did not love my job. I was going in early, staying late, even skipping a few meals and hours of sleep...and still seemed to be failing miserably at my job. I wasn't loving what I spent 4 1/2 years of college training to do. I made the decision in January to resign (had to give 30 days notice) and my resignation was official the day after Valentine's Day (the year before we got a snow day on Valentine's Day...this year I ended a job I didn't like). After searching for a new job for about a month I finally caught a break and got a job with a local upscale consignment shop nearby. Sadly, though, retail is not my passion...and the hours at this new job aren't always the best. Great people to work with...but I'm still many time struggling to pay my bills each month.

The reason I just gave you my WHOLE story of making it to NC is because this is all leading up to what I'm about to say next. I'm at a point right now where I'm really juggling about what I should do. I've been applying for teaching jobs in NC...but so far nothing's really come up from that. My apartment lease is up in August...so I really have until then to find a job. Once the lease is up...and there's some other possibilities after that happens...I face the possibility of maybe needing to move back to Ohio. At first...I hated that idea. I love it here in NC. If I haven't said enough already....I LOVE Journey Church...my new church home in NC. I love it, I love it, I love it!! Why on earth would I leave this? I have an amazing Life Group with some of the greatest people I've met...I'm feeding many of my loves and serving in multiple areas in the church...how could I ever leave this?? It's been on my mind for a long time. It's a thought process I have decided I NEED to have...because What if...I don't find a job. What if...my funds run completely dry. And mostly (and this was a question that we brought up back when I moved here)...What if...God never intended for me to STAY in NC...but had a completely different idea? What if...this is just one stop on my journey to international missions work? What if...I'm only here so I can make an impact on a church...and then have another church to partner with in my quest for missions work? It's all been about the What Ifs recently.

This last part's going to sound more like a lot of random junk just thrown together...hang in there...hopefully I can conclude this eventually.

The last several years, I keep telling myself I want to do something HUGE. My senior year of college...I brainstormed the plot for a novel (actually...more like a memoir)...pretty much making my college career into a novel. I had hopes, dreams, and inspirations of being a best-selling author and having all this fame and fortune. I actually wrote the prologue of that book this week...but then decided..there's a little too much personal detail that I really don't need the whole world knowing. When I first moved to NC, to make my TV watching easier (since my antenna seems to be a little touchy) I opened up a Netflix account.  Within the first 3 weeks of being here, I had finished all 7 seasons of the TV show "Bones". At that point I started dreaming of how cool it would be to have a walk-on extra role on "Bones". (Note to self: you know you need a new job when...being a teacher during the week and an actress on the weekends sounds like a better idea than what you went to college for 4 1/2 years for). Over the past few weeks...I've started watching a different show on Netflix. (Brace yourselves for this one). I've been watching..."Hannah Montana". Yes...I'm serious. I actually had a couple friends in college that were bigger Disney and Hannah fans than me. We even learned the "Hoedown Throwdown" as a dance during Orientation. I'm actually in the process of watching the whole series through a second time...I loved it so much. Unfortunately, the series ended in 2010...so there's not much of a chance of a walk-on role in THAT show. Since finishing the series, though...I've been doing some online research about Miley Cyrus. I've found a few YouTube videos of interviews she's done at different times. And...was kinda shocked to find out that at a few points in her career...she has professed a Christian belief and faith. My new dream came as wanting to find a way to work with Miley Cyrus so I could be a witness to her. (Did I mention that the crazier life gets...the more crazy my dreams get?) Actually the last couple times at church...I've been letting my mind run wild of singing my heart out in front of hundreds of people.

My problem is...I have too many things I LOVE to do. For example I love to dance...but I have taken almost 10 different forms of dance classes (and that is NOT including Zumba or the Latin ballroom class I took in college) and I love them ALL. I love music....but I can play the piano averagely, and I can play woodwind instruments...but not that well...and I can sing...as long as it's already a real song (I can't make up my own music). So I'm not thinking recording an album is in my future. And as I mentioned before...I like to write...but by the time I sit down to write a book or something...I've played the story through my head a thousand times and get bored and can't get the whole thing written out. And let's just face this one...I'm a dancer...not an actress. So why am I spending so much time thinking of these things that will probably NEVER happen...and I'm just average at?

The answer to that question somewhat came to me this afternoon after a conversation I had with that same woman who originally had invited me to Journey Church. You see, kinda like Miley Cyrus and Hannah Montana...in a way, I've been longing to have the "Best of Both Worlds". I want to be a normal person...but I want to do something extra that people will remember me for. I think that's why I've dreamed so much of doing all those things. I want to be a "normal" person with a "normal" job...but also is doing something EXTRAORDINARY (as if being a teacher wasn't enough). I think that's why I've been dreaming of being a teacher and an actress; a teacher and a musician; a teacher and a dancer; or a teacher and an author. I want to be a living witness to lots of people at once. I wanted to change Hollywood and show compassion to celebrities. Because I want to do something people will remember me for.

Today at church, the pastor gave a 6-month update on a giving campaign we started in November. (Please note: this is now the 2nd church I have gone to that within a few months of attending...begins a campaign to do even more for God's kingdom). And one thing that he said really stuck to me: it's not about the money. Yes, they have a goal of where they'd like to take the church from here. But it's not about the money. It's about what God will do through giving people. Somewhere between the facts, figures, and...alright scribbling down some notes of my own that had nothing to do with the sermon...I thought of something. I keep making money the excuse of why I'm not living out my hopes and dreams of missions work. I keep telling myself that I need to first find a good job...pay off my student loans...pay off my car...be able to pay my bills and still have money left over. THEN I'll work at my missions ideas. But the truth is...those payments will ALWAYS be there. Seriously...is there anyone out there that does NOT have bills to pay? It's always going to be there.

You know how I know that missions is more than just a cutesy idea? Because God has brought REAL people into my life...who...without any prompting...has asked me when am I going back to Thailand...when am I doing another trip...when am I going to do any of it? At the end of my senior year of college as I was transitioning to being an alumni of my sorority (Kappa Psi Omega...more on them later too)...one of my best friends and a fellow Kappa told me that it's not a matter on IF I'll go back to Thailand...it' a matter of WHEN. Others of my sorority sisters have said the same things. I've only been at Journey for about 10 months...in my Life Group for about 9. And one of the people from my Life Group asks me if I see myself eventually living in Thailand (yes I do) and has told me he won't surprised the day I announce I'm moving to Thailand.

Time to Bring this post to an end...
Not gonna lie...I'm really struggling with figuring out how to end this post. I've been typing on this thing for 3 hours or more. I just copied and pasted all of the above parts of this post into a Word document to see how long it's been. It covers 6+ pages (single-spaced) on Word and currently has nearly 4000 words. I think that's a new record for me. But you can't say that I didn't warn you at the beginning that it would be long!

I guess I'll end it by saying that from all the thinking I've done and the conversation I had today after church, I'm going to try to start thinking of some ways to start raising some money for my future missions trips. Because I think I've pretty much established that sitting and waiting isn't going to make it happen on its own. I've already got a few ideas...now to just figure out how to get it all started. And I think the key is using some of these crazy dreams. Because I'm not doing it as a second career...but just to raise some money. Here are my ideas so far:

1. Jewelry Sale: I actually have been making some bracelets since I was in college. My sister-in-law creates hand-made goodies and sells them using a Facebook page (Creatively Altered...check it out and like it!) I've considered making many of my bracelets and other jewelry and creating my own Facebook page to sell them through. I can customize my bracelets to any colors. Sorority colors, school colors, your favorite colors...anything. And I can make them to order.

2. Dance Benefit: I've actually half-way planned this back in college. Put my dancing days to good use. I have several pieces that I have choreographed on my own...and I have a few ideas of pieces if I can get an ensemble together.

3. ZUMBAthon: This is actually a real thing that can be put on through Zumba. And since I'm a Zumba instructor...it would be that much easier...because I could lead the whole thing! Basically...a Zumbathon is a HUGE Zumba party. Invite people, they pay or donate as an entrance fee at the door...and then we have a fun time working out and having fun. Even more fun when you get more than one Zumba instructor for a mix of styles and techniques. I'd have to check with Zumba, though, to make sure that a missions trip is allowed to host a Zumbathon for. Don't want to be breaking any Zumba instructor rules.

4. Mary Kay: I actually am a Mary Kay consultant...however, due to many different issues, I'm actually not going to be a MK consultant anymore by the end of this month. I'd have to put a huge order in...with money that I already am struggling to come up with...and I have no one to actually sell to. However, I did buy some "stock" items in case the opportunity presented itself that I could get back into it. If I can find a place to sell them...I'm willing to sell off my stock items at the price that I paid for them (aka 1/2 of what you normally are buying it from the catalog for. It's all in the way the retail and wholesale thing works).

5. Night of Worship: Since I don't write my on music...what about just a night of worship? Use favorite worship songs. Maybe even get some other volunteers who have other talents to do it with me. Take requests from the audience.

6. Bake Sale: Not gonna lie...I love to bake! Cookies, cupcakes, brownies...EVERYTHING. I'll just hold a one-person bake sale.

And just to finish off the list...

7. Celebrity: Seriously, how awesome would it be if I could get one of my favorite celebs to help me out? Likelihood? Not very. But pretty cute idea to think about for fun.