A lot of leg work

Well, welcome to my newest blog!! For anyone that knows me that may be reading this, my heart for the past several years has been in the international missions field. I spent a week in Thailand back in 2010 and absolutely loved it. And since then, I've known that I want to go back and do even more. However, there seems to always be something standing in my way of doing that. Sometimes I feel like I want to tell many people about those aspirations, but never felt like I had the means necessary to do that. Yes, I've had journals and diaries before, but that's not really what I wanted. I had a Xanga account when I was in high school, but just like other "old school" sites, no one really uses Xanga...plus you have to have an account to do much of anything. I created a blog here on Blogger almost exactly a year ago...and named it "Life As I Know It". I think I was hoping to create that one into the "grown up" version of my Xanga account. Sadly, I posted once and than never posted again...until now. I didn't like that last blog. Because, let's face it. If I'm going to tell you everything there is to know about my life, we'd probably be better off if I just took a video camera around everywhere with me and recorded everything. It would definitely take a lot of the "he said/she said" drama out of anything. A life blog just isn't right.

So here's why this blog is created: to share about my aspirations and journey to missions work. Taking a look at my past...how that has helped mold me into the person I am today; my present...what's going on now; and my future...wherever that may be. This first post I'm anticipating to be quite lengthy. As the title even says: there's a LOT of leg work to cover. In future posts, I'll try to focus more on the present, with a little past and future sprinkled in. This first post probably will almost read like a book. I'm going to try to break everything down into smaller sections, focusing on different things (somewhat like chapters in a book). If needed...there may be a second part to this. For you, my reader, I only have one warning before I get started: I hope you LOVE to read! For many of my friends who have known me for any number of years, I am a girl of many, many, MANY words. Sit me down and ask how I'm doing...you'll get quite the answer. Some people like this...others start checking their watches and making excuses for not being able to stay and listen. I've sent lengthy emails when I feel highly about something and I've even sometimes have had to break up a Facebook message into two parts because (in case you didn't know) there's actually a limit on how many characters you can have in a Facebook message. I am not creating this blog in easy-to-read segments for your pleasure. If you're interested...you'll sit and read the whole thing because you care. If not...you'll skim over it...think it's too long...and move on.  Long story short: I rarely keep things "short and sweet". So...without much more...let's get this blog on the road!!

A Brief Testimony:
So, to get everything started, since this blog is mostly about missions work, I find it appropriate to begin with my Christian testimony. Now, a few years ago, I wrote out a long version of my testimony (about 6 pages...typed). But I AM going to shorten it a bit here.

I was born and raised in a Christian home. Since I was young, I have always gone to church. I've never really been one specific denomination, seeing as my family has changed to numerous churches, each of a different denomination it seems. This list includes Methodist, Christian and Missionary Alliance (aka...Alliance), Church of God, and for easier understanding and to save a long explanation...let's just say non-denominational. We actually traveled between those four different churches between the time I was born and I was 10 years old, landing in the last one the summer before my 5th grade year at age 10. I loved going to church and learning about all the stories, and knew for a while that something was missing from my life, but never knew what it really was. The following summer after beginning to go to that last church...I attended the Vacation Bible School at that church. This was the first summer I would actually be going to Bible School without knowing ahead of time all the details. While at the previous church, my mom always helped lead VBS (often times the music). I always knew what songs we would sing and their motions, what craft we would do, what Bible story was being taught, and what snack and game we would be doing. However, for the first time in my life...that summer...my mom wasn't involved. I remember having fun at that VBS, and not much else. Sometime during that week, though, we were offered the chance to receive the free gift of salvation if we wanted. I quickly raised my hand, went off into a room with a woman from the church, and that day was "officially" a Christian. 

Well...up until this point, though, my definition of a "Christian" was pretty weird. I thought I had it all right. I went to church (2-3 times a week at that). I learned John 3:16, Psalm 23, and other random verses. But, as I'd come to learn the hard way...that's not what makes you a Christian. I never got baptized then either. Oh, believe me, there were plenty of sermons about getting baptized. But I never wanted to. Eventually I hit those crucial middle school years...and life just seemed plain HARD. Lots of things happened while I was in middle and high school. Things happened with my family, my friends...I was being rocked on all sides. But the problem was, I wasn't living a Christian lifestyle. I didn't have much in the way of faith. As life became more and more crazy, I'd suffer with its "curve balls" that it sent my way. Crap started "hitting the fan" as the saying goes. Friendships ended, teasing ensued, family issues happened. And I was getting beat down with each issue. This actually continued to various degrees into college as well. But without a good foundation of Christ...I was lost. My sophomore year of college, I met some new friends and joined a sorority (more on that will be explained later). But life raged on even after that. In the summer of 2009...after a conversation with one of those new-found friends...somewhere in that conversation, she said something that at that time of life made a lot of sense (however, looking back...it doesn't have the same affect anymore). After that conversation, I realized what was going on and how my life was going crazy. I knew I had to do something...and my first thought was to get baptized. My church taught that baptism was a showing of your faith...and I thought that was what I needed to do. I just needed to remind myself and others that I really was a Christian. After thinking about it more, though, I decided that before I took that step, I needed to renew my faith...and rededicated my life to Christ. That time, I did by myself, while sitting in my dorm room at college. The following weekend, I signed up to get baptized...and in September of 2009, I was baptized.

(Please note: this testimony was really hard for me to shorten. If it didn't make any sense and you're completely lost...let me boil it down to just this: I became a Christian at age 10, made mistakes and walked away from God, and then rededicated my life to Him at age 20 and got baptized)

So why now?
Alright, I must confess. This "leg work" part of the blog is going to take more than one post. I'm already tired of typing...and this is just the beginning. So before I sign off and try it again a little later, I wanted to give my "present" part. My testimony is from the past. So...you may be wondering how I got from that testimony to this blog. Good question! That's part of what I'm hoping to figure out myself. This is just my way of getting all my thoughts out so I can give you a decent answer about that. So let me explain what's been happening recently in my life...so we at least have a little more of the ground work.

I graduated from college in December 2011 as a teacher. I'll post later about my June 2010 trip to Thailand...which will be pretty important to this blog. But for now, I'm staying with the post-college sides of things. After graduating from college, I started applying for jobs. My mom had given me the idea that since I only had the second half of the school year, I could really apply wherever I wanted...think of it as a 6 month "working vacation". I started applying for jobs in Ohio, Alaska, Virginia, North Carolina...and even entertained the thoughts of going to my dad's roots in the Texas and New Mexico areas. I only got one job offer from all those applications...in Toledo, Ohio, and stayed home. After I was done at the end of the 2011-2012 school year, I again started looking a new job, this time I was trying to stay closer to home. I was looking into Virginia...and possibly just over the border into North Carolina...but mostly in the Norfolk and Richmond areas of Virginia, and pretty much anywhere in Ohio (even did an interview in Columbus). I got 5 or 6 interviews, but no jobs. As I began making new plans for maybe just applying for ANY job in Ohio...so I could start paying my student loans...I got a surprise phone call at the end of July from Charlotte, North Carolina, asking me if I'd like to do a phone interview. I agreed, had the interview the next day, and 30 minutes later, was called back and offered the job. This was now August 1, 2012. After accepting the job in NC, I had to find an apartment, a church, and move to NC...by August 13th (12 days away). It was a crazy time of complete cold-emailing (kinda like cold-calling...only I was doing it via email) to apartment complexes, possible churches to check out...and even a few gyms to see if I could find a place to teach Zumba (more on that later too). After church on August 13, my mom and I loaded our two cars and made the 500+ mile trip down to Charlotte, NC. While I attended teacher orientation, my mom scouted out ALL of the Goodwills and Re-Stores in the area (even managed to find the worst part of the city) to buy furniture for my new apartment. We spent three or four nights in a hotel...living off of clothes in duffel bags and two over-packed cars. A few days after arriving, I finally was able to sign a lease to an apartment, and as I was still doing orientation stuff all-day every-day...my mom started setting up my apartment.

This whole time, I had been planning on visiting a church in the Charlotte area that I had decided I liked to looks of...mainly from their website. My mom, though, had a contact from her twin sister that lived in the area..and she kept in contact with almost daily while moving me in. This contact eventually offered that I could try visiting HER church..Journey Church in Huntersville, NC. I stayed with my original plan to visit the church I had found on the internet...but as that first week wore on, but eventually decided I would check out this other woman's church first...since I actually had a contact there. I sent an email to the church to see what info I could get (eventually...the church secretary that answered my email I would find out was in the same Life Group with me). Showed up on the first Sunday (my mom had left to go back to Ohio that morning). Cried a lot...met a bunch of people...and let's just say that it was love at first...visit. I quickly met many people from the church, got involved with working at the coffee shop and eventually helping to lead worship for the children's area. Things were going beautifully...well at least some things were.

My teaching job with CMS (Charlotte-Mecklenburg Schools) wasn't going so well. In October, things weren't going very well. That beginning of school excitement had worn off and I was really struggling. After a few thoughts of giving up and moving back to Ohio, I decided to continue. I thought that the issue was probaby me. Since I had moved to NC so quickly and had not really had a chance to actually settle in...I was probably just overwhelmed. Continued through the rest of the first half. I went home to Ohio for Christmas in December (I had spent Thanksgiving in VA with my mom's sister's family) and that was the first time I'd been home since moving in August. While sitting at home on New Year's Eve before going to a NYE party, I started thinking. I loved where I lived, I loved my church, but I really did not love my job. I was going in early, staying late, even skipping a few meals and hours of sleep...and still seemed to be failing miserably at my job. I wasn't loving what I spent 4 1/2 years of college training to do. I made the decision in January to resign (had to give 30 days notice) and my resignation was official the day after Valentine's Day (the year before we got a snow day on Valentine's Day...this year I ended a job I didn't like). After searching for a new job for about a month I finally caught a break and got a job with a local upscale consignment shop nearby. Sadly, though, retail is not my passion...and the hours at this new job aren't always the best. Great people to work with...but I'm still many time struggling to pay my bills each month.

The reason I just gave you my WHOLE story of making it to NC is because this is all leading up to what I'm about to say next. I'm at a point right now where I'm really juggling about what I should do. I've been applying for teaching jobs in NC...but so far nothing's really come up from that. My apartment lease is up in August...so I really have until then to find a job. Once the lease is up...and there's some other possibilities after that happens...I face the possibility of maybe needing to move back to Ohio. At first...I hated that idea. I love it here in NC. If I haven't said enough already....I LOVE Journey Church...my new church home in NC. I love it, I love it, I love it!! Why on earth would I leave this? I have an amazing Life Group with some of the greatest people I've met...I'm feeding many of my loves and serving in multiple areas in the church...how could I ever leave this?? It's been on my mind for a long time. It's a thought process I have decided I NEED to have...because What if...I don't find a job. What if...my funds run completely dry. And mostly (and this was a question that we brought up back when I moved here)...What if...God never intended for me to STAY in NC...but had a completely different idea? What if...this is just one stop on my journey to international missions work? What if...I'm only here so I can make an impact on a church...and then have another church to partner with in my quest for missions work? It's all been about the What Ifs recently.

This last part's going to sound more like a lot of random junk just thrown together...hang in there...hopefully I can conclude this eventually.

The last several years, I keep telling myself I want to do something HUGE. My senior year of college...I brainstormed the plot for a novel (actually...more like a memoir)...pretty much making my college career into a novel. I had hopes, dreams, and inspirations of being a best-selling author and having all this fame and fortune. I actually wrote the prologue of that book this week...but then decided..there's a little too much personal detail that I really don't need the whole world knowing. When I first moved to NC, to make my TV watching easier (since my antenna seems to be a little touchy) I opened up a Netflix account.  Within the first 3 weeks of being here, I had finished all 7 seasons of the TV show "Bones". At that point I started dreaming of how cool it would be to have a walk-on extra role on "Bones". (Note to self: you know you need a new job when...being a teacher during the week and an actress on the weekends sounds like a better idea than what you went to college for 4 1/2 years for). Over the past few weeks...I've started watching a different show on Netflix. (Brace yourselves for this one). I've been watching..."Hannah Montana". Yes...I'm serious. I actually had a couple friends in college that were bigger Disney and Hannah fans than me. We even learned the "Hoedown Throwdown" as a dance during Orientation. I'm actually in the process of watching the whole series through a second time...I loved it so much. Unfortunately, the series ended in 2010...so there's not much of a chance of a walk-on role in THAT show. Since finishing the series, though...I've been doing some online research about Miley Cyrus. I've found a few YouTube videos of interviews she's done at different times. And...was kinda shocked to find out that at a few points in her career...she has professed a Christian belief and faith. My new dream came as wanting to find a way to work with Miley Cyrus so I could be a witness to her. (Did I mention that the crazier life gets...the more crazy my dreams get?) Actually the last couple times at church...I've been letting my mind run wild of singing my heart out in front of hundreds of people.

My problem is...I have too many things I LOVE to do. For example I love to dance...but I have taken almost 10 different forms of dance classes (and that is NOT including Zumba or the Latin ballroom class I took in college) and I love them ALL. I love music....but I can play the piano averagely, and I can play woodwind instruments...but not that well...and I can sing...as long as it's already a real song (I can't make up my own music). So I'm not thinking recording an album is in my future. And as I mentioned before...I like to write...but by the time I sit down to write a book or something...I've played the story through my head a thousand times and get bored and can't get the whole thing written out. And let's just face this one...I'm a dancer...not an actress. So why am I spending so much time thinking of these things that will probably NEVER happen...and I'm just average at?

The answer to that question somewhat came to me this afternoon after a conversation I had with that same woman who originally had invited me to Journey Church. You see, kinda like Miley Cyrus and Hannah Montana...in a way, I've been longing to have the "Best of Both Worlds". I want to be a normal person...but I want to do something extra that people will remember me for. I think that's why I've dreamed so much of doing all those things. I want to be a "normal" person with a "normal" job...but also is doing something EXTRAORDINARY (as if being a teacher wasn't enough). I think that's why I've been dreaming of being a teacher and an actress; a teacher and a musician; a teacher and a dancer; or a teacher and an author. I want to be a living witness to lots of people at once. I wanted to change Hollywood and show compassion to celebrities. Because I want to do something people will remember me for.

Today at church, the pastor gave a 6-month update on a giving campaign we started in November. (Please note: this is now the 2nd church I have gone to that within a few months of attending...begins a campaign to do even more for God's kingdom). And one thing that he said really stuck to me: it's not about the money. Yes, they have a goal of where they'd like to take the church from here. But it's not about the money. It's about what God will do through giving people. Somewhere between the facts, figures, and...alright scribbling down some notes of my own that had nothing to do with the sermon...I thought of something. I keep making money the excuse of why I'm not living out my hopes and dreams of missions work. I keep telling myself that I need to first find a good job...pay off my student loans...pay off my car...be able to pay my bills and still have money left over. THEN I'll work at my missions ideas. But the truth is...those payments will ALWAYS be there. Seriously...is there anyone out there that does NOT have bills to pay? It's always going to be there.

You know how I know that missions is more than just a cutesy idea? Because God has brought REAL people into my life...who...without any prompting...has asked me when am I going back to Thailand...when am I doing another trip...when am I going to do any of it? At the end of my senior year of college as I was transitioning to being an alumni of my sorority (Kappa Psi Omega...more on them later too)...one of my best friends and a fellow Kappa told me that it's not a matter on IF I'll go back to Thailand...it' a matter of WHEN. Others of my sorority sisters have said the same things. I've only been at Journey for about 10 months...in my Life Group for about 9. And one of the people from my Life Group asks me if I see myself eventually living in Thailand (yes I do) and has told me he won't surprised the day I announce I'm moving to Thailand.

Time to Bring this post to an end...
Not gonna lie...I'm really struggling with figuring out how to end this post. I've been typing on this thing for 3 hours or more. I just copied and pasted all of the above parts of this post into a Word document to see how long it's been. It covers 6+ pages (single-spaced) on Word and currently has nearly 4000 words. I think that's a new record for me. But you can't say that I didn't warn you at the beginning that it would be long!

I guess I'll end it by saying that from all the thinking I've done and the conversation I had today after church, I'm going to try to start thinking of some ways to start raising some money for my future missions trips. Because I think I've pretty much established that sitting and waiting isn't going to make it happen on its own. I've already got a few ideas...now to just figure out how to get it all started. And I think the key is using some of these crazy dreams. Because I'm not doing it as a second career...but just to raise some money. Here are my ideas so far:

1. Jewelry Sale: I actually have been making some bracelets since I was in college. My sister-in-law creates hand-made goodies and sells them using a Facebook page (Creatively Altered...check it out and like it!) I've considered making many of my bracelets and other jewelry and creating my own Facebook page to sell them through. I can customize my bracelets to any colors. Sorority colors, school colors, your favorite colors...anything. And I can make them to order.

2. Dance Benefit: I've actually half-way planned this back in college. Put my dancing days to good use. I have several pieces that I have choreographed on my own...and I have a few ideas of pieces if I can get an ensemble together.

3. ZUMBAthon: This is actually a real thing that can be put on through Zumba. And since I'm a Zumba instructor...it would be that much easier...because I could lead the whole thing! Basically...a Zumbathon is a HUGE Zumba party. Invite people, they pay or donate as an entrance fee at the door...and then we have a fun time working out and having fun. Even more fun when you get more than one Zumba instructor for a mix of styles and techniques. I'd have to check with Zumba, though, to make sure that a missions trip is allowed to host a Zumbathon for. Don't want to be breaking any Zumba instructor rules.

4. Mary Kay: I actually am a Mary Kay consultant...however, due to many different issues, I'm actually not going to be a MK consultant anymore by the end of this month. I'd have to put a huge order in...with money that I already am struggling to come up with...and I have no one to actually sell to. However, I did buy some "stock" items in case the opportunity presented itself that I could get back into it. If I can find a place to sell them...I'm willing to sell off my stock items at the price that I paid for them (aka 1/2 of what you normally are buying it from the catalog for. It's all in the way the retail and wholesale thing works).

5. Night of Worship: Since I don't write my on music...what about just a night of worship? Use favorite worship songs. Maybe even get some other volunteers who have other talents to do it with me. Take requests from the audience.

6. Bake Sale: Not gonna lie...I love to bake! Cookies, cupcakes, brownies...EVERYTHING. I'll just hold a one-person bake sale.

And just to finish off the list...

7. Celebrity: Seriously, how awesome would it be if I could get one of my favorite celebs to help me out? Likelihood? Not very. But pretty cute idea to think about for fun.