The Heart of Worship

JOY

It's my middle name. And in some weird sense...I feel like it is my duty to live out that middle name. I've always been interested in learning as much as possible about joy. From what I've learned...Joy is NOT just simply being happy. Joy goes much deeper than that. Philippians is FULL of information about joy and tips to be joyful.

Over the last couple weeks...I have experienced this word "Joy" numerous times. Several years ago, there was a song we sang at church called "Counting on God" by Desperation Band. I was a junior in college the first time I heard this song..and I was in AWE of it! Mostly because I loved what the chorus says about joy:

Joy unspeakable that won't go away
Just enough strength to live for today
So I'll never have to worry what tomorrow will bring
Because my faith is on solid rock
I'm counting on God.

I believe we first sang this song at church shortly after my decision to rededicate my life to Christ and get baptized. While sitting in my dorm room (apparently ignoring any homework for my regular college classes) I started pondering more about this song...and ended up writing the lyrics down in Sharpie marker...color-coding certain words in the song. What I love about this song is that...if you think about what it says in reverse...it makes sense. When you are counting on God, your faith is on Solid Rock...and when your faith is in the ROCK, there's no worries about tomorrow...and when you aren't worried about tomorrow...you have the strength to get through today...and once you've experienced all of that, you end up with JOY UNSPEAKABLE! That...my friends...is what JOY...real JOY looks like. It goes beyond "happy". It's those things that happen that only God can make happen...that literally takes the words out of your mouth...and all you're left with is a creepy looking smile that you can't explain where it's coming from.

And over the last couple weeks...that's the kind of JOY I've been experiencing.

As mentioned before in this blog...I got a new job! This past week was my first week of that new job and...so far...it has gone better than most of my past "new jobs"...especially the teaching ones. I'll probably be posting more about my students and my teaching in the future...so I won't go into too much more detail about the job. But...I am experiencing some JOY from my job.

Along with the job...my schedule has opened up a bit. I guess I never really realized while I was working retail about just how much time I was sacrificing. Yes, most weeks I was only working 30 or less hours per week. But some how...with how and where those hours fell...I felt like I NEVER had time. Now, I'm working even more hours...teaching, nonetheless...and I feel like I have more time available. Once the first paycheck comes for the new job...I may also be experiencing another form of joy from this job. But...I got some joy out of that.

One of the things my new-found time in my schedule has brought me...is more time to hang out with people from church. Over the last couple years, that hasn't always been easy. With my last retail job, I never really wanted to request too many days off per week or put too many restrictions on my availability. Aside from one Bible study and my Zumba class that I'm contracted to teach...everything else was seemingly optional. Last fall, I had a class on Wednesday nights which caused me to miss my Bible study every week until Christmas break. My Zumba class has been scheduled in Tiffin on Tuesdays and Thursdays for the last year and a half...which gets in the way of another Bible study for young adults on Thursday nights. However, this summer, my Zumba class got moved to Saturday mornings. I've thoroughly enjoyed going back to our young adult Bible study. And, surprisingly, about a year ago when I stopped going to that Bible study, we weren't getting that many people into the group. But somehow...at least during this summer...we've been getting almost 20 people each week. For a girl that's grown up in the same church for 15 of the last 16 years...that's crazy to actually see NEW people coming into our Bible study.

And then...my joy continued...with a funky game called Fishball. The first couple times I went back to the young adult study, I was invited to play this weird game. I had no idea what it was, I know how badly I normally am at organized sports (I still remember the time in elementary gym class, while playing kickball...I actually caught the ball in the outfield...and my whole class applauded for me. That was like the first and only time I ever caught anything in gym class). So...the first few times, I made excuses on why I couldn't go. But then something happened. I was sitting at church one Sunday and one of the guys from the Bible study comes passing by, said hi to me...and then extended another invitation to play Fishball. It took me another couple weeks to finally join the group created on Facebook for Fishball and eventually get out to play the first time last week. Basically (and I may not be explaining this very well) Fishball takes components of volleyball, tennis, and dodgeball, and mixes it into one volleyball-ish game. (Tennis comes in with serving and we play on the tennis court...dodgeball comes in because you can get points by hitting a player on the other team with the ball...appropriately called a "snipe").

Two weeks ago, our church celebrated its anniversary with our annual chicken dinner. The following Wednesday, the music ministry of the church put on a concert at the local county fair. The next evening, the young adult Bible study held our study...but was more of a party and a bonfire. The following Sunday, there was a sweet message at church...and then my debut of playing Fishball. Two days later, on Tuesday, I played Fishball AGAIN. The next night was Wednesday night Bible study. Last night there was another party for the young adult group. Good friends. Good game. Good music. And a Good God. I have caught myself smiling randomly so many times in the last 2 weeks. And I know why.

JOY.

But there is something else that brings me joy.

Worship.

As I've mentioned before in this blog...I have pretty much grown up in the church. But even more than growing up in church...I've grown up with church music. My mom started out as an organ (the instrument) major in college, before deciding to become a nurse instead. But, she's still kept up on her skills and has played organ for weddings and churches many times. Growing up, I've always been a Momma's girl. And growing up, many times I would end up at church with my mom while she did music. And many times, it seemed like the worship leaders and music ministers she worked with began to feel more like family than just a pastoral leader at the church.

In the 16 years we've been going to Grace, we are on music minister #3. Now...in my books, this is actually a pretty good record. In the six years I was in high school (grades 7-12), we went through 4 principals. And in the six years I was in youth group at church (again, grades 7-12), we went through 3 youth pastors. So...3 music ministers in 16 years isn't too bad. I don't remember much about the first guy. We were new to the church...the church was much bigger than anywhere else we had been...and the music was a lot different then the traditional hymns we were used to singing. (This is still back when Grace had an actual organ instrument that was used regularly).

A couple years after we started going to Grace, we got a new music minister. By this time, I was pretty good about coming to church with my mom to go to the sound check for church. In our family...there were normally 2 options on how to get to church (not going wasn't normally an option). You could either go early with mom...to the sound check...and end up at church over an hour early. Or...you could go with dad...and normally if you were able to get to church to hear the FULL sermon...you were doing pretty good. Not wanting to get into any bad habits about getting places on time...I ALWAYS went with mom. I'd chat with the ladies at the coffee bar (eventually I think that would become the reasons for my coffee addiction) but occasionally, the music minister would need me to run an errand. Sometimes it was up to his office to grab something. Sometimes I'd be sent with a few sheets of music and a code to the church's copier to make copies of a piece of music. Sometimes I'd be asked to go somewhere in the middle of the sanctuary to listen to sound quality. When my mom's pages of music started blowing away, sometimes I'd sit with her and be a page turner. One time on a Wednesday night, they were trying to test some kind of sound thing...and needed someone to sing one of the songs during the practice...and I got to do that. And when I wasn't doing any of those things...I'd be sitting, reading a book or playing a game...with worship music going on in the background.

As I grew up going to Grace, as I got older, I started doing even MORE with the music ministry. I'd help with children's musicals (a couple times even dancing in the middle of one). I think I started popping into the choir to sing for Christmas programs starting when we got there. When I hit college age...I was notorious for not being able to come to choir practice on Wednesdays, but still showing up to sing on Sunday mornings. I'd run in to church, lip sync the songs through the first service, and by the second service, I could mostly sing all the songs (I generally just followed whatever the melody line of the song was).

But I've never seen my musical abilities as being all that great. My mom's studied music in college. My brother has been a drummer and has some awesome auditory skills (he's written entire songs from movies on the composing program we used to have on our computer after only hearing the song a few times). Even my dad sang. Me? I took piano lessons...but eventually didn't seem to be getting much better. When I was in 5th grade, I started playing the flute for band...and was put in the 2nd to last chair in the section. Then I switched over to bass clarinet...where I could be my own section...but there's not much of a use for bass clarinet...and I don't own my own instrument. I like to sing...but have a pretty decent soprano voice...but am generally too shy to let my soprano voice out when I'm around others. I do a lot on the outside of worship. But not much on the inside.

But apparently, even mixed in with the choir at church...I can still find JOY in singing. One of my all time favorite stories to tell is like that. A few years ago, that music minister left our church to move with his family to another state. For a few months, we had no music minister as the search began for the next one. In those few months, there were some rumors going around that whenever the new music minister came, there was a pretty good chance that choir would either not exist, or would be changing to something different...and many choir members were deciding weather to stick with choir or not. While the search continued, that spring, a couple volunteers from the choir came together and decided to help organize the choir to sing for a few last special services (mother's day, Easter, and Good Friday). The person directing the choir was also an elementary music teacher. Another volunteer played the piano and organized instrumentalists to play the backup for the song.

Good Friday evening that year, after practicing the song a couple last minute times, I started heading to go to the bathroom before the service started. As I was heading down the hall, the woman who was directing the choir stopped me and said "I just wanted to let you know how much I LOVE your smile!". I was confused. What smile? I wasn't just singing? Isn't it a cardinal rule of being on stage to smile and look like you're having FUN? She went on and told me how when I was smiling...she saw it...which made her smile. And when she smiled, it made the rest of the choir happy and smile. And that in return...would be going out to the congregation. I'm pretty sure for the rest of that Easter weekend, instead of smiling, I was making goofy faces at her.

But that wasn't the first time someone complimented me on what must be a God-given talent associated with singing and the stage. About 3 weeks after our new music minister started, I peaced out, and moved to NC. I think it was like my second week at my church in NC, while singing during the service, the person standing in the row behind me in the congregation randomly tapped me on the shoulder. I turned around and they said "Wow...you have a good voice!"

A few months after that, I had been helping in the nursery of my church in NC for a while, and I was getting coffee at the coffee shop at the church. The children's minister walked up to me and said "I've heard an interesting rumor about you recently"...I asked what that was...and she said "I was told that you have a very nice singing voice". A couple weeks later...I debuted in leading children's worship for the church.

Even just a few months ago, there was a scheduling issue on a Sunday at my retail job that caused me to not be able to go to Grace for church that Sunday. So...instead I went to my assistant manager's church. Two songs into the worship set and she was telling me how beautiful my voice was and was asking why I wasn't singing on a regular basis at church.

The truth is, about the time our newest music minister started (the one I left for NC about 3 weeks later)...I was dealing with a LOT of change in my life. I had graduated from college and worked at a job that I had wanted to quit after the first week. My friends were changing, getting married, having kids, and leading what seemed like "perfect" lives...sometimes even moving miles away. I couldn't seem to find a place to serve in the church...and with a new music minister, it seemed like my chances of doing anything more with the music ministry wasn't going to do much. I was feeling burned out from my church. I was feeling like the only ministry opportunity I had left was to help in the nursery. In a church the size of mine...I thought that was ludicrous that of ALL the serving areas...I was feeling like I was limited to just one. And about the time I probably could have inquired about what was available for me to try in music ministry with the new guy...I was offered a job in NC and ran off to try to find something different.

Over the last year, I realized that I've never really given the guy a fair chance. And...I've been meaning to look into trying to get into the music ministry again. Only this time...I guess I can't really just get grandfathered in because I'm the pianist's daughter (and awkwardly stalk the other people on the ministry). Maybe this time my ministry needs to be more based on the talent God gave me and not just my family connections. Ironically, my Bible study on Wednesdays is going to be taking a bit of a break for a while in a few weeks. Maybe that's the time I need to start going back to choir practice again.

When I'm fully into worship, though...and get that little smile...that's joy. The joy of my heart and soul reaching God's.

Oh yeah...and our music minister...is one of the guys who plays Fishball. It's an interesting way to get to know one of your pastors when you're playing a game where it's completely legal to throw a ball and hit one of the other pastors' children...and other members of the church for that matter.

Joy Unspeakable.

That's what I've been experiencing these last two weeks.